The Motherhood Experiences of Non-Birth Mothers in Same-Sex Parent Families

Abstract

In this qualitative study, we explored the experiences of non-birth mothers whose child(ren) were planned and conceived within their same-sex relationship. We conducted semi-structured, face-to-face interviews with 14 participants in Ireland. We transcribed the interviews verbatim and analyzed the data using interpretative phenomenological analysis. Our findings comprised three superordinate themes: A Question of Recognition, An Insecure Connection, and Carving Your Own Way and related subordinate themes. Motherhood experiences were characterized by resilience and vulnerability in parenting their children without legal parental rights and within a heteronormative society that privileged biological motherhood. The dynamic relationship between seeking connection and seeking legitimacy that is at the heart of the participants’ experiences of motherhood is highlighted. Participants encountered challenges to their maternal legitimacy within their families and communities and in their interactions with legal and social institutions. Participants described using various strategies to reinforce their parental identity. Despite the challenges, participants were engaged in constructing satisfying parenting roles. The findings highlight the importance of legitimizing the parental identity of non-birth mothers. Therapists should be sensitive to the additional marginalization of non-birth mothers in same-sex parent families. Validating their vulnerability and their resilience in the face of obstacles may enhance their coping resources.

Beyond Mum and Dad: Gendered Assumptions about Parenting and the Experiences of Trans and/or Non-Binary Parents in the UK

“…This echoes research on the experiences of cis non-birth mothers (McInerney et al, 2021 ), suggesting that difficulties for non-birth parents who wish to be invovled in the pregnancy process are common.…”

“…This ruling, not only impactful upon TNB parents, does not account for children born via surrogacy (Christiansen, 2015 ) and reciprocal IVF (Shaw et al, 2022 ; in preparation), where the genetic and gestational parent are not the same person, thus demonstrating the impact of legal inflexibility on a number of family forms. Indeed, the overall positioning of birth as ‘essential’ to motherhood has been shown to relate to feelings of insecurity and a lack of parental recognition among non-birth mothers/parents in LGBTQ + relationships (Abelsohn et al, 2013 ; McInerney et al, 2021 ).…”

“…Some studies have included non-cis participants in research on lesbian, bisexual and queer non-birth parents’ experiences of gendered parenting roles (e.g. Abelsohn et al, 2013 ; McInerney et al, 2021 ), but these participants are in the minority, and their unique experiences have therefore remained largely unexplored.…”

What factors influence dyadic synchrony? A systematic review of the literature on predictors of mother–infant dyadic processes of shared behavior and affect

“…Certainly, there are many other family members who interact with the child on a daily basis, for example, it has been argued that the caregiving role of fathers has evolved in many societies and cultures and that fathers’ involvement (Ahnert & Schoppe‐Sullivan, 2020) and the implications of fathers’ mental health (Sweeney & MacBeth, 2016) should be looked at in more detail. There is also scope to look at other caregivers within the household, including partners in LGBTQI+ relationships (Feugé et al., 2020; McInerney et al., 2021) as well as extended family members including grandparents, siblings, and further kinship carers in both high‐ and low‐ and middle‐income (LMIC) countries (Arnold et al., 2011; Gajaria & Ravindran, 2018; Liang et al., 2021).…”

“I’m Not Just the Nonbiological Parent”: Encountering, Strategizing, and Resisting Asymmetry and Invalidation in Genetic/ Gestational Parent Status Among LGBTQ Parents

“…Amid heteronormative definitions of family as consisting of a biologically related mother and father, LGBTQ parents may face stigma and be treated as “less than” legitimate parents (Dahl et al, 2013). Nonbiological LGBTQ parents are vulnerable to added invalidation in day care, school, and health care settings, where professionals may not always recognize them as equal parents (Hayman & Wilkes, 2017; McInerney et al, 2021). In the health care context in particular, nonbiological mothers report feeling marginalized (Cherguit et al, 2013; Hayman et al, 2013; Wojnar & Katzenmeyer, 2014).…”