The geometry of intimacy: Love triangles and couples therapy.

Abstract

Formally known as triangulation processes, love triangles feature prominently in relationshipssometimes providing stability, sometimes vibrancy. Alternatively, they can create instability, even destruction. Integrating the relevant psychoanalytic literature with clinical examples, the author explores the meaning of love triangles interpersonally as well as intrapsychically. Their nature, their role in intimacy, and how they impact psychoanalytically oriented couples therapy are discussed. Two categories of triangulation, defensive and discordant, are delineated and discussed using 4 clinical examples. The investigation responds to earlier concerns, such as from Laing, Phillipson, and Lee (1955), andChodorow (1992), who recommended psychoanalysts-with their unique access to patients' sexual behaviors, dreams, and fantasies-strive to understand romantic, mature love better. Further, the author offers a different angle on Kernberg's (1991) conception that, in mature love, 6 persons metaphorically interact: "the couple, their respective unconscious oedipal rivals, and their respective unconscious oedipal ideals" (Kernberg, 1991, p. 57). Kernberg's model rests on classic psychoanalytic theory; the author's is cross-theoretical and phenomenological. The article shows that triangulation, like endless other behavioral and psychological defense mechanisms, serves to lessen conscious and unconscious fears of intimacy. It also proposes that psychoanalysts confront defensive styles, clarify feelings, and interpret, teasing out layers of unconscious contract, and facilitating dialogue to enhance intimacy in couples.