Abstract. Austinian ifs are a relatively newly noticed linguistic phenomenon, dat ing only to 1951. This is in marked contrast to material implication, strict im pli cation, logical implication, and quantified conditionals, all of which were not only noticed but thoroughly discussed, if not fully systematically formalized, by the Greeks. Since 1951, and especially since 1961 when Austin's classic 1956 paper was reprinted, they have generated a rather large literature in both linguistics and philosophy, with the more recent work often adding more in complexity than the explanatory light shed on this everyday, commonplace usage. This paper considers three simple explanations, finally settling on the third. Then, the phenomenon of ''politeness conditionals,'' which are within the Austinian family, is discussed and a mechanism is posited as to how these work to that effect. Finally, it considers several other problematic conditionals in the general family of Austinian ifs.[T]rained logical intuition sees a conditional behind every 'if'. (Yoes, 1995: 97)