Stepparents’ Attachment Orientation, Parental Gatekeeping, and Stepparents’ Affinity‐Seeking with Stepchildren

Abstract

Remarried stepfamilies are a sizable portion of American families; in a 2011 Pew Center survey, 42% of respondents reported at least one stepfamily member. Family clinicians and researchers suggest that stepparents' ability to develop close bonds with stepchildren may be critical to the well-being of couple and family relationships. Using actor-partner interdependence models to analyze dyadic data from 291 heterosexual remarried stepfamily couples, we explored factors related to stepparents' efforts to befriend their stepchildren. Specifically, we evaluated how remarried parents' gatekeeping and stepparents' perceptions of their attachment orientations were associated with their own and their spouse's perceptions of stepparents' affinity-seeking behaviors. Securely attached stepparents and stepparents with anxious attachment orientations engaged more frequently in affinity behaviors than did stepparents with avoidant attachment orientations; there was no difference between securely attached and anxious stepparents. Stepparents' reports of parents' restrictive gatekeeping were strongly and negatively associated with both stepparents' and parents' reports of stepparent affinity-seeking (actor and partner effects). Parents' reports of their own restrictive gatekeeping were also negatively (but more weakly) associated with parents' reports of stepparent affinity-seeking. Implications for families, clinicians, and relationship researchers and theorists are discussed.

Theorizing Ambiguous Gain: Opportunities for Family Scholarship

“…Although parents might have a clear vision of the purpose and function of their new couple relationship, they might feel uncertain with respect to the optimal role and function of their new partner in the life(ves) of the child(ren). As a result, resident biological parents often assume roles such as gatekeeper, defender, mediator, and interpreter (L. Ganong et al, 2020; Weaver & Coleman, 2010)—each representing different strategies to oversee, facilitate, or moderate the connection between the new stepparent and the child(ren). Parents' inclination to employ these strategies could stem from their experience of stepfamily formation as an ambiguous gain; if the facts around new step‐relationships are unclear, resident biological parents might seek to shelter their children until the facts related to the gain become clearer.…”

Effective stepparenting: Empirical evidence of what works

“…The body of scholarship on step‐relationship development, conducted mainly in the past 2 decades, has yielded clear messages about what works . Scholars consistently find that stepparents who engage in affinity‐seeking behaviors more frequently are more successful at building emotionally close bonds with stepchildren than stepparents who engage in such behaviors less frequently or not at all (Agar et al, 2010; Allan et al, 2011; Baxter et al, 1999; Braithwaite et al, 2018; Bronstein et al, 1994; Bzostek, 2008; Cartwright et al, 2009; Crohn, 2006, 2010; Ganong et al, 1999, 2018, 2019, 2020; Golish, 2003; Hetherington, 1987; Ivanova & Kalmijn, 2020; Jensen & Harris, 2017; Jensen & Pace, 2016; King et al, 2015; Kinniburgh‐White et al, 2010; Limb et al, 2020; Maier et al, 2019; Marsiglio, 2004; Metts et al, 2013, 2017, Nuru & Wang, 2014; Salem et al, 1998; Schenck et al, 2009; Schrodt, 2006, 2016; Schrodt et al, 2008; Schwartz & Finley, 2006; Speer & Trees, 2007; Stern, 1982; Waldron et al, 2018; Weaver & Coleman, 2005; White & Gilbreath, 2001; Willetts & Maroules, 2004). When affinity‐seeking and non–affinity‐seeking stepparents have been compared in investigations, affinity‐seekers consistently report closer emotional bonds with stepchildren (e.g., Ganong et al, 1999; Hetherington, 1987).…”

“…When affinityseeking and non-affinity-seeking stepparents have been compared in investigations, affinityseekers consistently report closer emotional bonds with stepchildren (e.g., Ganong et al, 1999;Hetherington, 1987). Moreover, stepparents' affinity-seeking efforts are more effective when stepparents engage in these efforts over a considerable period with stepchildren and establish friendships before attempting to discipline them (Braithwaite et al, 2018;Ganong et al, 1999Ganong et al, , 2020Hetherington, 1987Hetherington, , 1993Hetherington et al, 1992;Kinniburgh-White et al, 2010;Schrodt et al, 2008;Waldron et al, 2018). This approach imitates parent-child relational development by engaging in relationship-building before disciplining.…”

Effective coparenting in stepfamilies: Empirical evidence of what works

“…When biological parents take the lead, particularly in setting rules and disciplining children, then stepparents can benefit by learning from observing what the parents' expectations for children have been; if the stepparent is inexperienced with children of that age, then they also benefit from gaining firsthand knowledge about children's development (Saint‐Jacques, 1995). Moreover, when parents are more involved in childrearing, stepparents also are more involved (van Houdt et al, 2020), and when parents engage in fewer restrictive gatekeeping behaviors, stepparents engage in more bonding efforts with stepchildren (Ganong et al, 2020).…”