Spousal Disclosure of Extramarital Relationships: Attitudes of Marriage and Family Therapists

Abstract

This article presents attitudes of clinical members of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (N = 332) toward spousal disclosure of extramarital relationships. A survey was developed in which an affair was defined as a sexual and emotional secretive relationship occurring concurrent to a committed, cohabiting relationship. Therapist demographic variables that were found to have a significant relationship with attitudes toward affair disclosure were age and level of graduate degree. A large number of narrative comments from participant reactions to survey questions are included, along with further findings and suggestions for educators of marriage and family therapists.

A Review of Treatment With Couples Post-Affair: An Emphasis on the Use of Disclosure

“…Though this speaks to dearth of published research on the subject, it also speaks to the training of the couple’s counselor. Moreover, a recent survey of 1,000 members of the AAMFT reported that 74% of the respondents disagreed that they received adequate training regarding treatment of extramarital affairs (Softas-Nall, Beadle, Newell, & Helm, 2008).…”

“…Because of potential negative consequences associated with disclosure, counselors disagree as to how much information should be brought back to the couple and how much information should remain secret (Softas-Nall, et al, 2008; Weiner & Starr, 1989); however, experts in the field have advised partners to disclose any extramarital affair (Softas-Nall et al, 2008). It is believed that ongoing extramarital affairs undermine the clinician and their ability to conduct couples counseling and thereby need to be stopped and disclosed to their partner (Whisman & Wagers, 2005).…”

“…Juhnke et al (2008) has recommended that counselors help couples work through disclosure by conducting an intense, multistage debriefing session prior to moving forward with treatment, which will help counselors assess the couple’s level of commitment to the current relationship. Secrecy in the relationship can eventually destroy a marriage, and even brief affairs can have an impact on the relationship (Softas-Nall et al, 2008). According to Allen and Atkins (2005), most brief, casual affairs are likely to remain secret.…”

“…Another situation is if disclosure of the affair puts the partner at risk of physical harm. Most ethical codes clearly state that counselor should “do no harm.” It is often highly and consistently recommended that disclosure should not occur in cases of domestic violence (Glass, 2002; Softas-Nall et al, 2008). With domestic violence, the main concern is safety; disclosure of the affair becomes a secondary concern.…”

“…With the prevalence of extramarital affairs, it is likely that the counselor has had personal involvement with an affair. According to Softas-Nall, Beadle, Newell, and Helm (2008), 38% of the AAMFT members they interviewed acknowledged some personal experience with an extramarital affair. It is important for the counselor to adopt a nonjudgmental position toward extramarital affairs and offer supportive assistance in meeting the treatment goals of the clients (Linquest & Negy, 2005).…”