Somewhere over the rainbow: love, trust and monogamy in gay relationships

Abstract

Anthony Giddens argues that late modernity is characterized by a democratization of intimate relationships and that gay men and lesbian women appear to be an expression of that movement. This paper is based on interviews with 20 New Zealand men – representing 11 gay couples – who discussed issues of monogamy, trust and sexual behaviour negotiations in their relationships. Overall, they had conventional notions of relationships, romantic love and monogamy that prompted decisions to discard condoms for anal sex as proof of their love for each other. They simultaneously believed that monogamy was not sustainable. Generally, the relationships were marked by ‘infidelity’ anxieties and a reluctance to disclose sexual encounters outside the relationship and to discuss or negotiate their possibility. These experiences serve as reminders to not assume that gay relationships are necessarily as democratic and open as Giddens suggests – pertinent when regarding the development of programmes aimed at reducing HIV transmission within relationships.

The Effect of HIV-Discordance on the Sexual Lives of Gay and Bisexual Men in Mexico City

“…Their findings suggest that the meanings people attach to sex play an important role in the specific practices in which they engage (Remien et al, 1995;Rhodes & Cusick, 2000;Worth, Reid, & McMillan, 2002). These studies have led to the hypothesis that men in HIV-discordant couples face a challenge because of at least two different types of risks: On the one hand, men need to evaluate the risk of infection or re-infection if they do not wear condoms; on the other hand, they need to evaluate how they feel about losing intimacy and mutual connection by wearing condoms to reduce their health risk (Blechner, 2002;Gold, Skinner, & Ross, 1994;Rosenthal, Gifford, & Moore, 1998).…”

More than just a bracelet: the use of material symbolism to communicate love

“…Giddens, 1992). Therefore, what is understood and experienced as love, even in this romantic context, is dynamic and shaped by social, political and philosophical discourses (Worth, Reid & McMillan, 2002).…”

Trust, Commitment, Love and Sex: HIV, Monogamy, and Gay Men

“…However, unprotected anal intercourse within regular and primary relationships has been identified as a significant source of new HIV infections (Kippax et al, 2003;Sullivan, Salazar, Buchbinder, & Sanchez, 2009;Worth, Reid, & McMillan, 2002). Relatively new relationships, of up to a year, are associated with the greatest risk of HIV transmission because of undiagnosed HIV infections and the implicit instability of such relationships (Down et al, 2012;Kippax et al, 2003;Prestage et al, 2008).…”