Small things—‘It felt like love’—The experience of being deeply moved in therapy: Clients' stories of the small things that matter in therapy

Abstract

ObjectiveThis study aimed to explore clients' lived experiences of being deeply moved or touched by something that the therapist said or did and to investigate to what extent this relates to the phenomenon of Kama Muta (being moved by love). Kama Muta is described as a social‐relational emotion, which seems to play a central role in connecting to others and is tied to emotional processes. It appears that research on Kama Muta is still in its infancy; while it has been explored and analysed within the context of social psychology and nature, there has been scarce analysis and research to date on the specific implications of Kama Muta for therapy; however, it seems to represent an appropriate way to think about the small things phenomenon proposed for this research. The purpose of this research was to explore whether ‘being moved by the “small things”’ in therapy matters to clients and what impact it has on the processes of change. It aimed at advancing our comprehension about which factors, outside the typical therapeutic treatment, may help strengthen the therapist–client relationship. Therefore, the author explores how clients are ‘moved’ in therapy by the small things, whether those experiences can be classified as Kama Muta and the implications of this for the therapeutic field.MethodSeven participants, five students in counselling and psychotherapy and two fully accredited psychotherapists, took part in qualitative semi‐structured interviews about their experiences as clients of being deeply moved or touched during therapy. Interview transcripts were subjected to thematic analysis. For reasons of ethics approval, the author selected participants who either were on a path to become therapists or were fully accredited. The interviewer asked participants to recall events retrospectively; thus, the interviewees were not clients who were currently undergoing treatment. The author used scripts to open and close the interviews, thus sharing all relevant information about the study with the interviewees, including informed consent and confidentiality. The same script with open‐ended questions was used with all seven participants. All participants were informed of the purpose of the research beforehand and had the opportunity to ask questions and share additional thoughts throughout the process. The interviews were recorded using a digital voice recorder and transcribed using a transcribing software.ResultsCoding schemes were inductively developed exclusively from the data gathered from the interviews. The author maintained a rigorous reflexivity practice throughout, and data were analysed and validated by a second coder to overcome subjective biases. As a result, five themes emerged from the thematic analysis: words, gestures, meaning, small things and Kama Muta, and embodied memory. Participants described these small things as ‘light‐bulb moments’, ‘little awakenings’ and ‘small but powerful interactions’. All participants reported feeling a deepening in the connection with their therapist, the self and others. The therapist making a cup of tea can have a powerful effect on levelling the power dynamics implicit in the therapeutic relationship. A light touch on the shoulder from the therapist has a lasting effect on the spirit.ConclusionThe research suggests that ‘being moved by the small things’ in therapy has a powerful, transformative effect and elicits the desire to connect to self and others. Additionally, being moved in the context of therapy appears to be related to Kama Muta. An implication for therapy is asking ourselves to consider the role of these love‐bearing interactions in our professional work, given the powerful impact they may have on our clients' healing processes. The findings seem to celebrate the importance of the ‘small things’, which may usually be underestimated and overlooked. These interactions appear to be spontaneous, sudden and genuine, thus diverging from formal protocols. Making a cup of tea becomes a heart‐warming equaliser in the relationship and can mean more than a thousand words. If healing happens in the context of two people relating to each other, the research on the small things and Kama Muta shines a light on the vital role of the therapist showing their humanness and warmth through unexpected acts and ways of being. While boundaries must be maintained, the literature shows that small things are often experienced when they fall outside the traditional roles and boundaries; a phone call from a therapist, having a smoke or a walk together is seen as ‘one of the most important experiences in therapy’. When therapists are willing to show their human side, deepening in connection seems to be more likely. When professionals show a little bit of themselves, would that make it easier for the client to do the same? While we may not be able to include the small things within institutional guidelines due to their spontaneous nature, the research may help inform practices heavily based on diagnosis, emotional detachment from patients and highly structured hierarchies. Maybe there is an opportunity to rethink organisational environments to promote human relatedness and social solidarity towards more person‐centred practices. As this research is exploratory and only includes a small sample of participants, further in‐depth research is needed to examine the significance of these processes and their implications for practice.