Silence after suicide: A phenomenological study of young men's experience of losing a close male friend

Abstract

<p>Losing a close friend to suicide can significantly increase the risk of dysfunction, depression and suicide in young people. Previous studies of suicide bereavement have focused on parents, parentally-bereaved children, young adolescents’ experiences of peer suicide and female college-students. A paucity of qualitative research exists that examines young men’s experiences of suicide bereavement. This lack of research has meant that their grief may go unnoticed, be minimized, or even misunderstood. The purpose of this research was to explore the experiences of eight young New Zealand men (aged 17-25 years) who lost a close male friend to suicide. Repeated in-depth phenomenological interviews were used to gain new insights into the conceptualisation of this event in the young men’s lives through an exploration of their experiences. Interviews were audio recorded and transcribed for analysis. The inductive, descriptive approach of the phenomenological method was used to explore and describe the essence of their lived experience and led to seven themes: Being gutted, stoicism, grieving in silence, being silenced, breaking the silence, being in silence and analytic silence. The overarching essence of their experience and the phenomenon was silence. The silence the men experienced after suicide was ubiquitous. The findings suggest losing a close male friend to suicide implicates men to suffer, grieve, live through and transform in silence. Participants experienced four types of silence: personal, private, public and analytic silence. The men were gutted and personally unable to talk about their experience. They chose to keep quiet, be stoical, suppress their emotions and keep their grief private. They grieved in silence and were silenced by others. They broke their silence with people they could trust and who provided presence support and care. They sought quiet spaces where they could reconnect, reflect on their experience. Their navigation of silence fostered new values, priorities and identities, acceptance of their loss and helped them move on with their lives. This study has brought new understandings of men’s experiences of suicide bereavement and silence. Their experience suggests that health professionals, families/whānau and friends need to learn to see, listen to and interpret the silence of men in order to better understand their experience and needs for care and support. Recommendations are made for intervention, health care practice and future research.</p>

Understanding the Suicide Phenomenon from the Perspectives of the Loss Survivors

“…More than that, they also have to face society's confusion and humiliation. "Isolation, guilt, shame, anger, stigmatization, and social rejection are experiences frequently associated with people who suffered a loss by suicide (Bowden, 2017;Jordan, 2001;Sveen & Walby, 2008;). " The stigma attached to it is far from that of natural death or death through sickness (Serani, 2013), as survivors have become firmly held accountable (Harvard Health Publishing, 2019).…”

“…Most feel uncomfortable openly bringing the matter up to suicide helplines and known experts because of the social stigma. Most suicide-loss survivors are powerless to speak about their experiences (Bowden, 2017). Bowden (2017) added that survivors opted to hang on to silence, stoicism, emotion suppression, and private grieving.…”

“…Most suicide-loss survivors are powerless to speak about their experiences (Bowden, 2017). Bowden (2017) added that survivors opted to hang on to silence, stoicism, emotion suppression, and private grieving. In other words, survivors need a support program that reaches out to them to decipher their silence and better fathom their experience and need for professional care and support (Bowden, 2017).…”

“…Bowden (2017) added that survivors opted to hang on to silence, stoicism, emotion suppression, and private grieving. In other words, survivors need a support program that reaches out to them to decipher their silence and better fathom their experience and need for professional care and support (Bowden, 2017). Peters (2009; as cited in Bowden, 2017, p. 9) emphasized the need for survivors to be "active partners in research in order to develop, implement and evaluate more effective support services, programmes, and postvention policies" while Suicide Prevention Australia (2009; as cited in Bowden, 2017, p. 9) added that the experience of the survivors could significantly contribute to "more flexible and responsive services. "…”

“…Society assigned dishonor to suicide, as Serani (2013) revealed. Most suicide-loss survivors were voiceless about their condition (Bowden, 2017). Bowden (2017) also added that survivors "chose to keep quiet, stoic, suppress their emotions and grieve privately" (p. i).…”