‘Showing Them You Love Them’: Gift Giving and the Dialectic of Intimacy

Abstract

One of the tasks for a critical social psychology is to describe the contradictory social matrix of intimacy in capitalist societies. That is particularly necessary in order to understand the social experiences of women, since they continue to have the principal responsibility for expressive functions. The present paper is concerned with the structuration of intimacy through the giving of gifts. It is suggested that this is a useful vantage point from which to explore the extent of the autonomy of the private family. Gift giving is described as a means through which individuals communicate the values which they assign to their significant others. It is suggested that the intersubjective signs of value employed in gift transactions are affected by the characteristics of an industrial capitalist society. The symbolic process therefore demonstrates the limits to the autonomy of familial culture.

`Barter', `Deals', `Bribes' and `Threats'

“…(Goffman, 1970:101) We do not fully endorse Goffman's attempt in 'Strategic Interaction' (1970) to show the general applicability of 'game theory' nor do we intend to impose the overly rationalised [and masculine] (Vaughn, 1997) categories and perspective of 'social exchange theory' (Blau, 1964;Coleman, 1990) onto 6 interactions between children. However, our research shows that siblings regularly, even on a daily basis, exchange goods, time and services and do so with an, albeit approximate, understanding of reciprocity and equivalence in these exchanges (Cheal, 1996;Gouldner, 1960). They also take into account in these interactions notions of power, status and sibling hierarchywhich we discuss more fully below.…”

Using Cultural Probes to Explore Mediated Intimacy

“…Mutuality originates from a process of exchange, interdependence and reciprocal expectations (Moss and Schwebel 1993). Mutuality exists when gifts or symbolic signs of value are exchanged (Cheal 1987). Mutuality is characterized by a sense of fairness shared by both partners in relation to the rewards and costs of their interactions (Chelune et al 1984).…”

“…Thus, being able to convey and experience commitment constitutes a crucial requirement for building and sustaining an intimate relationship. Mutuality is considered the centre of any intimate relationship (Cheal 1987, Chelune et al 1984. Mutuality is the assumption that intimate partners are co-engaged in a common cause.…”

“…This section extracts some of the major themes from this review. According to Cheal (1987), an intimate relationship consists of a private world of significant others, which needs to be continuously maintained. In intimate relationships the significant other is often reminded that "they are indeed significant".…”

Friendships between Women: A Critical Review

“…Indeed, Cheal (1987) has argued that the construction of social ties is interwoven with the issue of resources. He argued that buying and giving gifts was seen as predominantly the woman's responsibility (1987: 153) at all levels of the class structure.…”