Running your mind and life effectively when there is no life instruction manual

Abstract

We have no operating manualThe problem with humans is that no life operating manual is issued at birth, leaving individuals to work out the rules for themselves. This acquisition of life skills takes time and a lot of trial and error, and many never figure it out. The following article attempts to provide the manual you should have been given at birth.The brain lacks a delete button I first heard this comment at an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) conference in Wellington in 2015 when one of the founders, Professor Steve Hayes, stood in front of the audience and noted that there is no delete button in the human mind, so we need to hold our negative cognitions lightly. 1 He then held his hands in a cupped form by his waist to demonstrate how we can hold things lightly. I consider this to be one of the most profound ideas that I have come across. If the central role of the human brain is to keep you alive, then it makes sense that it won't let you forget "dangerous" things that have happened to you in the past, so that you are forewarned and forearmed to deal with them should you be in that situation again. This applies to physical dangers, such as driving a car and crossing a street; and psychological dangers, such as having difficulties with a family member or work colleague. This is all explained by a theory of language called Relational Frame Theory. 2 The human mind can pull together a series of negative experiences from the past, culminating in a disproportionate response to an otherwise benign trigger. For example: you failed a maths exam when you were eight, had a distressing argument with your mother when you were 16, and crashed the family car when you were 21 years old; then your boss is grumpy with you at work, and you spiral downwards. Pulling together seemingly unrelated events is a uniquely human ability, as we do not think other animals can do this, and is a function of our skills at using language. Our human language can enable our minds to bring back the past into the present and cause us grief. It can also do wonderful things for us, such as develop good friendships with other humans. In a sense, our human language is both our best friend and worst enemy when operating this way.