Relationship‐undermining statements by psychotherapists with clients who present with marital or couple problems

Abstract

This study examined the prevalence of relationship undermining statements by psychotherapists as reported by clients in individual therapy who presented with relationship problems, and whether these statements were associated with worse outcomes for client relationships. Participants (n = 101) reported on recollections of whether their therapist had suggested that their partner would never change, had a diagnosable personality/mental health disorder, had negative motives, that the relationship was doomed from the start or beyond repair now, or that divorce/breakup was their best option. Findings showed high prevalence of these undermining statements and associations with poorer relationship outcomes and shorter duration of therapy. We discuss potential explanations for this phenomenon and offer implications for the training of therapists who treat individual clients with relationship problems.

Theorizing arranged marriage: The case of South Asian Muslim immigrants in love marriage societies

“…Because trust and mistrust can work in either direction—toward arranged marriage or love marriage—the main goal of whoever is helping should be to restore the trust between the two parties, the trust each has in themselves, and to clarify what it is exactly each side most desires (or the trust each has in the various underlying logics in and around arranged and love marriage). That is, those who seek to help people in these situations will be most effective when they take the side of the relationship and honoring the desires of the respective goods on both sides (Doherty & Harris, 2022). As they do this—equipped with a knowledge of the above typology and mechanisms—, they will be able to assist those directly involved while remaining as neutral as possible to the outcome of their collective deliberations.…”

I and thou in dialogue: Becoming more relational in couple therapy

“…Because couples so often begin therapy polarized and disconnected from each other, and because their relational resources are so depleted, the major challenge of therapy is to facilitate dialogue both in therapy and between the partners that allows each to be a full self in the relationship (Fishbane, 1998, p. 44) Helping both parties be their "full self" includes being morally responsive and considerate of all perspectives, and seeking accuracy. A couple therapist who simply reflects or summarizes each partner's position might be reinforcing a distorted, accusing, or abusive behavior (Doherty & Harris, 2022). This is particularly important to assess where power imbalances promote one partner's reality over the other, which will be addressed further in subsequent sections.…”

“…Helping both parties be their “full self” includes being morally responsive and considerate of all perspectives, and seeking accuracy. A couple therapist who simply reflects or summarizes each partner's position might be reinforcing a distorted, accusing, or abusive behavior (Doherty & Harris, 2022). This is particularly important to assess where power imbalances promote one partner's reality over the other, which will be addressed further in subsequent sections.…”

“…If only one is coming to complain about the other, it is easy for therapist and client to reinforce distorted stories. Furthermore, therapists who only meet with one partner are at risk of coming to relationship‐undermining conclusions (Doherty & Harris, 2022). All couple therapists have had their reality broadened when a previously absent partner is present.…”

Couple relational ethics: From theory to lived practice

“…Many therapists also hold individualistic values, focusing with clients primarily on personal happiness and what they are getting from their partner, and less on what they are offering the partner. Critiques of these individualistic values are offered by Doherty (1995Doherty ( , 2021, Doherty and Harris (2022), Fowers (2000Fowers ( , 2005, Fowers et al (2022) and McDowell et al (2023), exploring the ethical and sociocontextual realms in relationships. These theorists consider individuals in their relational contexts.…”