Reconstructing my identity

Abstract

Purpose -The purpose of this paper is to offer an insight into mental health illness in academia, and its impact on academic identity. Design/methodology/approach -The study adopts an evocative autoethnographic approach, utilising diary entries collected during my three-month absence from my university due to depression and anxiety. A contemporary methodology, autoethnography seeks to use personal experience to provide a deeper understanding of culture. In this personal story, the author explore her decline in mental health and subsequent re-construction of her academic identity in order to enhance understanding of the organisational culture of higher education. Findings -This paper illustrates how, rather than being an achievement, academic identity is an ongoing process of construction. Although mental health illness can contribute to a sense of loss of self, identity can be re-constructed during and after recovery. Autoethnographic explorations of depression and anxiety in higher education provide a deeper understanding of an often stigmatized issue, but researchers should be alive to the political and ethical pitfalls associated with deeply reflexive research. Originality/value -There is little autoethnographic research on mental health illness in a university setting. This paper offers unique insights into the lived experience of depression and anxiety in the context of academic life, through the lens of academic identity.

The choice to disclose (or not) mental health ill-health in UK higher education institutions: a duoethnography by two female academics

“…To understand the potential conflict between identity formation in the personal and occupational context, Shumate and Fulk (2004) acknowledge that role conflict may arise, as virtual working identities impinge on the domestic sphere, requiring us to occupy multiple social and occupational roles simultaneously; this consequently leads to a disruption of the boundaries between work and domestic life, which impacts across all domains in our lives. Accordingly, understanding identity work is helpful in comprehending how to manage mental health in the workplace whilst we simultaneously occupy different domains (Campbell, 2018) and manage these boundaries.…”

“…This self-dialogue forms and strengthens her identity (Seveningsson and Alvesson, 2003) and is often revealed through how she develops her coping mechanisms. Campbell (2018) explores the role of identity work in HEIs in an autoethnography; she describes a process of “breaking a taboo” when she experienced a period of depression and anxiety whilst at work. This incident required her to employ identity work (Winkler, 2013, p. 191) as she engaged in a process of self-questioning and reflection about this situation.…”

“…The experience of depression and anxiety led her to (re)evaluate her work identity and conclude that she had lost her previous identity as a competent and promotable academic. Campbell (2018, p. 236) notes that we all have coping mechanisms that enable us to manage our stress; however, sometimes, these fail, and mental health conditions “spill out” through the boundaries. Consequently, RG notes that she is continually testing out and potentially revealing and revising her identity as she encounters experiences in both her personal and professional life, a process similarly experienced by JF as she negotiates these boundaries.…”

An Individual’s Lived Experiences of Taking Cannabis-Based Medicinal Products (CBMPs) to Treat Anxiety

“…This fear is a form of the stigma so widely acknowledged in the extant literature, a fear that people might form harsh judgements about me as an individual, as a professional academic and as a mother because both mental health and medical cannabis are still heavily stigmatised, including within academia. However, as Campbell, who wrote an autoethnography of her own depression and anxiety in the context of an academic workplace, notes, “if we continue to hide uncomfortable stories then we simply perpetuate the taboo or stigma attached” [ 20 ]. As a result, she argues for “opening a conversation on difficult matters.” In the context of medical cannabis, Nelson also advocates for the importance of patients making “their private stories public.” [ 19 ].…”

“How did they protect you?” The lived experience of race and gender in the post‐colonial English university

“…My work is thus aligned with ethnographic and autoethnographic studies of academic organizations which are growing in popularity (Sambrook & Herrmann, 2018) as researchers realize the convenience of researching our own organizations (Alvesson & Einola, 2018). Ethnographers of the academy have examined depression (Campbell, 2018; Jago, 2002), linguistic difference (D’Souza & Pal, 2018), decolonization (Dennis, 2018; Webster & John, 2010), whiteness (Allen & Liou, 2018) and the intersection of race and gender (Gabriel & Tate, 2017; Liu, 2018; Tate, 2016). Outside academia, ethnography has provided insights into work and organization practices such as leadership (Jaumier, 2017; Schauster, 2015), culture (Mauksch, 2017), the role of non‐human actors (Bruni, 2005; Mitchell & Hamilton, 2018) and precarious employment (Brannan, 2015; Grenier, 2015).…”