Pathways to commitment in living-apart-together relationships in the Netherlands: A study on satisfaction, alternatives, investments and social support

Abstract

A B S T R A C TThe non-institutionalised, flexible nature of living-apart-together (LAT) raises questions about partner commitment in the context of the debate about the individualisation of society. We explored how partner commitment in LAT relationships in the Netherlands is shaped by individuals' satisfaction with, alternatives to, investments in and social support for their relationship. The underlying theoretical framework is an extended version of the Investment Model of Commitment. We conducted 22 semi-structured, in-depth interviews with men and women. The major themes that were addressed in the analysis were commitment, satisfaction, alternatives, investments, social support, relationship history and future plans. Participants were emotionally highly attached to their partner, but they doubted their commitment to maintaining their relationship in the future. Satisfaction with the current partner and intrinsic investments, such as emotions and effort, were described as contributing the most to feelings of commitment. Social support, quality of alternatives and extrinsic investments, such as material ties, were felt to contribute the least. Relationship history and life experience played an important role in how middle-aged and older individuals, of whom many were divorced, perceived the four determinants and experienced commitment. In this context, the LAT arrangement expressed fear of commitment and getting hurt, which was further reflected in limited investments. The paper concludes that although emotional attachment appears to be high among people in LAT relationships, they may have a relatively limited belief and interest in life-long partnerships.

Relationship (in)congruency may differently impact mental health

“…To be precise, individuals in LAT relationships, in particular young adults, may not feel ready for co-residence reflecting greater commitment ( Jamison & Ganong, 2011 ). Partners in LAT relationships may feel emotionally attached, but also may feel uncertain about their commitment in regard to maintaining the union in the future ( van der Wiel et al, 2018 ). Further, living-apart-together enables those in the relationship to integrate and balance an individuals’ intimacy and the autonomy, flexibility and independence of being alone ( van der Wiel et al, 2018 ).…”

Union Formation Expectations Among Older Adults Who Live Apart Together in the USA

“…Mounting evidence indicates that LAT is a new family form, particularly among older adults (Connidis et al, 2017; Van der Wiel, Mulder, & Bailey, 2018). Yet, few studies in the United States have examined LAT relationships, particularly using quantitative data.…”

“…Future studies should consider measuring the racial/ ethnic differences among older adults who LAT. Second, relationship quality, commitment, and satisfaction with the relationship may cause individuals who LAT to change their partnership status in the future ( Van der Wiel et al, 2018;Wagner et al, 2019). Individuals who LAT and were satisfied with their intimate relationships were likely to consider marriage in the future (Ayuso, 2019).…”

Life satisfaction linked to different independence-from-parents conditions in Italian emerging adults

“…Given that the "partially independent" group is composed by youth with a romantic relationship (they declare to be non-cohabitant couples), it is possible that the choice to remain in the family context depends on the couple relationship, in terms of length or quality. The question of whether emerging adults were not ready to cohabitate due to the shortness of their relationship, or were not able to live together due to external circumstances, or felt some form of uncertainty regarding the future of their relationship, or wanting to stay together forever, as previously shown by other scholars, should be studied (Lesthaeghe 2010;van der Wiel, Mulder and Bailey 2018). Future research should investigate the link between the quality of couple relationships (in terms of romantic attachment, commitment …) and the choice to be co-resident with parents in Italian youths.…”