‘Part of me already knew’: the experiences of partners of people going through a gender transition process

Abstract

Research has shown that the gender transition of one partner in a relationship can have a significant impact on the non-transitioning partner. This paper explores the experiences of former and current cisgender partners of people making a gender transition. Six participants were recruited via snowball sampling and took part in semi-structured interviews, which were transcribed and analysed using interpretative phenomenological analysis. Three superordinate themes were identified, namely: (1) the shared and ongoing process of learning about a partner's transgender identity; (2) changes in relationships; and (3) impact on self and identity. Findings highlight the constructed nature of gender and sexual identities, and the fluidity with which partners experienced these aspects of their lives. Future research could usefully explore the support needs of partners of transitioning people and the best ways to access and distribute this support.

What are the relationship experiences of in which one member identifies as transgender? A systematic review and meta‐ethnography

“…(Zarroug, 2012, p. 128) Gender performance within relationships 5, 7, 9, 14, 17, "Thus, sex became an avenue for gender performance, rather than a form of enjoyment and pleasure for some participants." (Chester et al, 2017(Chester et al, , p. 1412 Language as a tool to liberate or oppress Language that validates (or not) 16, 19-22 "The first subtheme described the romantic partner labeling certain behaviours, bodies, or actions as congruent with either cisgender women or men, excluding transgender identities from the distinction." (Pulice-Farrow et al, 2019b, p. 10) Seeking labels that fit 5, 9, 14, 16, 20-22 "Paradoxically, another dominant theme that emerged among participants who self-identified as "queer" was the sentiment that "queer" can become so all-encompassing, as a catchall identity, that it may be in peril of becoming an empty social category."…”

“…Application of gender frameworks 1, 6, 9, 11-14, 16, 17 "Linking communication problems and erratic behaviour to taking hormones was perhaps one way participants were able to make sense of changes in their partners and their relationships without blaming partners directly." (Chester et al, 2017(Chester et al, , p. 1410 "Cis women and their trans men partners clearly engage in dynamic, relational processes that produce and validate enactments of gender in ways that may be simultaneously normative and counternormative, despite the commonly voiced concern to not be misrecognized as traditional or unremarkably heterosexual." (Pfeffer, 2014, Beyond the caretaking role Partners providing care and more 1, 2, 6, 10, 11, 17, 18, 22 "Although women whose partner transitioned over the course of their relationship reported providing the most transition-related support for their partners, women whose partner had largely completed his transition prior to the start of the relationship still reported providing a great deal of transition-related support (in the form of emotional support, advocacy, bimonthly testosterone injection administration, etc.)."…”

“…For some transgender individuals, this included dysphoria during intimacy from noticing similarities and differences between their body and their partner's body, including genitalia (Moran, 2012). Bodies could also trigger distress for the partner; for example, a newly transitioned body not matching the partner's sexual orientation (Chester et al, 2017). Newly transitioned bodies also acted as a trigger for trauma for some partners who had experienced abuse by a person of their transgender partner's new gender presentation (Brown, 2010).…”

“…For transitioning clients, this meant relationships often adjusting to adapt to and validate a new transgender identity. Such adaptations included a change in gender roles (Motter, 2017), language (e.g., pronouns and naming of body parts; e.g., Chester et al, 2017) and through sexual intimacy (Moran, 2012), where some changes were to 'disidentify' from a previous gender identity whereas others were to validate a new one. Partners likewise adjusted their expectations of their partners, changing their language and checking in with their transgender partners on what was and was not acceptable (e.g., Chester et al, 2017).…”

Navigating a heteronormative world: Cisgender women, transgender partnerships, sexual identity, and language

“…Contemporary research on transgender partnerships has mostly centered on relationships where one partner comes out as transgender during the relationship. Scholars have examined many aspects of these relationships, including sexual activity and intimacy (Brown, 2010; Joslin-Roher and Ward, 2009; Pfeffer, 2016; Sanger, 2010), shifting gendered practices and expressions of gender identity (Aramburu Alegría and Ballard-Reish, 2013; Chester, 2017; Pfeffer, 2010, 2016; Vincent and Erikainen, 2018; Ward, 2010), bodies and intimacy, body work, and body image (Bishop, 2016; Brown, 2010; Pfeffer, 2008, 2016), negotiating the division of household labor (Kelly and Hauck, 2015; Pfeffer, 2010, 2016), and how partners navigate institutions including the medical system and marriage (Beckett-Wrighton, 2020; Heston, 2013; Pfeffer, 2012, 2016; Wilkinson and Gomez, 2004).…”