Parental shame and guilt: Distinguishing emotional responses to a child's wrongdoings

Scarnier, Marchelle; Schmader, Toni; Lickel, Brian

doi:10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01219.x

Cited by 49 publications

(54 citation statements)

References 36 publications

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“…The shame-causes-devaluation link seems unlikely. The experimental manipulation of criticism and publicity reliably boosts shame (23,38,62,63). In contrast, displays of shame or embarrassment attenuate an audience's devaluing response when the audience and the offender share common knowledge about the discrediting act (35,64,65).…”

Section: Discussionmentioning

confidence: 99%

Shame closely tracks the threat of devaluation by others, even across cultures

Sznycer

Tooby

Cosmides

et al. 2016

Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A.

202

206

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We test the theory that shame evolved as a defense against being devalued by others. By hypothesis, shame is a neurocomputational program tailored by selection to orchestrate cognition, motivation, physiology, and behavior in the service of: (i) deterring the individual from making choices where the prospective costs of devaluation exceed the benefits, (ii) preventing negative information about the self from reaching others, and (iii) minimizing the adverse effects of devaluation when it occurs. Because the unnecessary activation of a defense is costly, the shame system should estimate the magnitude of the devaluative threat and use those estimates to cost-effectively calibrate its activation: Traits or actions that elicit more negative evaluations from others should elicit more shame. As predicted, shame closely tracks the threat of devaluation in the United States (r = .69), India (r = .79), and Israel (r = .67). Moreover, shame in each country strongly tracks devaluation in the others, suggesting that shame and devaluation are informed by a common species-wide logic of social valuation. The shame-devaluation link is also specific: Sadness and anxietyemotions that coactivate with shame-fail to track devaluation. To our knowledge, this constitutes the first empirical demonstration of a close, specific match between shame and devaluation within and across cultures.shame | emotion | valuation | culture | evolutionary psychology I n all known foraging societies past and present, humans have lived embedded in dense networks of cooperative and competitive interactions, a condition that is believed to have prevailed during the evolution of our species (1-3). Individuals in such social ecologies suffered or prospered depending on the summed effects of the choices of others-such as when and how often to share food, to provide care for another's child, to defer in conflicts, and so on. Ancestrally, the difference between an individual reproducing successfully, struggling, or dying early would have depended (in part) on the degree to which others traded off their own welfare for the welfare of that individual.Over the last fifty years, evolutionary researchers have identified a number of selection pressures that favored the evolution of decision systems that regulate welfare trade-offs between individuals, including kin selection (4), reciprocity/exchange (5, 6), risk-pooling (2), parenting (7), mating (8), externality management (9), and the asymmetric war of attrition (10). These theories, in turn, led to the empirical discovery of various choice architectures that evolved to produce best-bet welfare trade-off decisions given the information available to the actor about a potential recipient [e.g., how to respond to cues of genetic relatedness; how to respond to cues predicting the recipient's ability to effectively assert and defend her or his interests; how to respond to cues indicating a potential partner tends to cheat or free-ride (11-16)].In short, favorable valuation by others was a critical resource for our anc...

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Section: Discussionmentioning

confidence: 99%

Shame closely tracks the threat of devaluation by others, even across cultures

Sznycer

Tooby

Cosmides

et al. 2016

Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A.

202

206

View full text Add to dashboard Cite

show abstract

“…Less crippling, and often more conscious, guilt tends to prompt approach behaviors such as making amends, apologizing, or confessing (Tangney et al, 1996), as well as prompting selfreflection, action, and motivation (Blum, 2008). Unlike shame, guilt has been linked to the capacity for empathy (Oppenheim, 2008;Scarnier et al, 2009), so parents experiencing guilt may have more ability to reflect on their child's experiences (Chazan, 2003;Green, 2000). Though guilt is painful, in parents it is also an empirical predictor of more adaptive parenting strategies involving less aggression and less removal of warmth (Scarnier et al, 2009).…”

Section: Guiltmentioning

confidence: 97%

“…Narcissism is related to the capacity for empathy, a key parental function that is crucial for child therapists to help parents develop during parent work. Interestingly, researchers have shown that shame-ridden parents tend to display less empathy and less warmth (Scarnier, Schmader, & Lickel, 2009). Mature empathy requires autonomy, so that the parent can reflect on the child's experience while remaining separate from it (Chazan, 2003).…”

Section: Shamementioning

confidence: 97%

“…Another defense against feelings of rage is externalization, in which shame and rage are transformed into blame placed on others. For parents utilizing an externalizing defense against shame, the target is often a therapist, or more unfortunately, a child (Scarnier et al, 2009). When working with parents, both aggression and passivity may be indicative of defensive reactions to underlying shame (Frick, 2000;Horne, 2000).…”

Section: Shamementioning

confidence: 99%

“…An example of a passive response would be a parent who avoids parent sessions due to scheduling or work, but at another level, to avoid the feelings of shame/responsibility evoked by participation, even if the therapist is warm and inviting. Parental shame has also been empirically established as a predictor for both aggressive/authoritarian and highly passive parenting styles (Scarnier et al, 2009).…”

Section: Shamementioning

confidence: 99%

See 2 more Smart Citations

Recognizing Guilt and Shame: Therapeutic Ruptures with Parents of Children in Psychotherapy

Baldwin¹

2014

Psychoanalytic Social Work

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The parent-therapist relationship is one of the most important facets of child psychotherapy. Guilt and shame are common sources of rupture between parents and child therapists. Overlooking such ruptures with parents can interfere with or even halt psychotherapy with children. A review of empirical and theoretical literature on ruptures in the therapeutic relationship is followed by discussion of how clinicians might identify guilt-and shame-based ruptures in the parent-therapist relationship. The process of repairing parent-therapist ruptures is emphasized as one process that can assist parental growth and development, which in turn can create space for children to grow and develop in tandem with their parent(s). A case study illustrates how guilt and shame manifest in the form of a race-based rupture in the parent-therapist relationship. A discussion of guilt, shame, and oppression concludes this article.

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Black Box Parenting Program for Substance‐Abusing Fathers: A Feasibility Study

Torres

Deane

Sng

et al. 2018

ANZ J of Family Therapy

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Substance-abusing fathers have reported parenting difficulties and there is a need for interventions that address these concerns and support these men. The present study conducted a feasibility trial of the Black Box Parenting Program for fathers in residential substance abuse treatment settings. The study had a mixed methods design that assessed for demand, implementation, preliminary efficacy, and acceptability. Measures included pre-and postquestionnaires on parenting self-efficacy and satisfaction, perceived closeness in the parent-child relationship, feelings of guilt and engagement, and satisfaction with treatment. In addition, semi-structured interviews were conducted with participants post-treatment. Across four groups, the 19 fathers successfully completed the program. Following the intervention, there was a significant decrease in feelings of guilt and a strong motivation to continue to seek help with parenting. Parental self-efficacy and perceived closeness in the parent-child relationship did not significantly improve from pre to post-treatment. Qualitative data indicate that fathers were very satisfied with the program. Satisfaction with treatment was strongly related to parental self-efficacy. Systemic barriers prevented delivery of the program at some treatment sites and parts of the program could not be implemented at multiple sites. Overall, the program shows promise in being able to reduce the barriers to help-seeking such as guilt and poor retention. However, it requires the right service structure to achieve successful implementation.

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Parental shame and guilt: Distinguishing emotional responses to a child's wrongdoings

Cited by 49 publications

References 36 publications

Shame closely tracks the threat of devaluation by others, even across cultures

Shame closely tracks the threat of devaluation by others, even across cultures

Recognizing Guilt and Shame: Therapeutic Ruptures with Parents of Children in Psychotherapy

Black Box Parenting Program for Substance‐Abusing Fathers: A Feasibility Study

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