Never Let Them See You Cry

Abstract

A debate exists concerning whether exclusion harms self-esteem. We hypothesized that social exclusion does harm self-esteem, but that this effect is evident only when self-presentational concerns to "appear fine" are minimal or people are unable to alter their report of self-esteem. In the first three studies, participants' explicit and implicit self-esteem were measured following an exclusion or comparison condition where self-presentational pressures were likely high. Because respondents can easily control their reports on explicit measures, but not on implicit ones, we hypothesized that exclusion would result in lower self-esteem only when implicit measures were used. Results confirmed this hypothesis. In the final study, self-presentational concerns were directly manipulated. When self-presentational concerns were high, only implicit self-esteem was lowered by exclusion. But, when such concerns were low, this impact on self-esteem was seen on implicit and explicit measures. Implications for the sociometer hypothesis and the recent self-esteem debate are discussed.

When Saying Sorry May Not Help: The Impact of Apologies on Social Rejections

“…The explicit measure of hurt feelings showed no effect of apology [ t (149) = 1.10, p = 0.27]. The means for the explicit measure of hurt feelings in both conditions indicated a likely floor effect (Apology M = 1.88, SD = 1.20; No Apology M = 1.67, SD = 1.08), which is congruent with the research showing that people are reluctant to admit hurt feelings after social rejection due to self-presentation concerns ( Bernstein et al, 2013 ).…”

“…Studies 2a and 2b expand upon the association between apologies and hurt feelings by investigating them in a face-to-face interaction. In order to combat the self-presentational issues found in previous research on social rejection ( Bernstein et al, 2013 ), we employ a standardized paradigm to test whether the words “I’m sorry” elicit responses consistent with hurt feelings. Whereas Study 1 had a third party rate hurt feelings, previous research has found that sometimes direct targets of rejection are reluctant to admit to hurt feelings but then behave in ways that suggest that they are in fact hurt ( Bernstein et al, 2013 ).…”

“…In order to combat the self-presentational issues found in previous research on social rejection ( Bernstein et al, 2013 ), we employ a standardized paradigm to test whether the words “I’m sorry” elicit responses consistent with hurt feelings. Whereas Study 1 had a third party rate hurt feelings, previous research has found that sometimes direct targets of rejection are reluctant to admit to hurt feelings but then behave in ways that suggest that they are in fact hurt ( Bernstein et al, 2013 ). Study 2a includes an explicit measure of hurt feelings and a measure of aggression, which may be considered an implicit indicator of hurt feelings ( DeWall et al, 2010 ); 2b is a replication of Study 2a but only includes the aggression measure.…”

“…Reactions to rejections with and without apologies were assessed using both an explicit measure and an aggression measure. The aggression measure was used to address people’s reluctance to admit their own hurt feelings in the face of social rejection ( Bernstein et al, 2013 ). The aggression task (hot sauce administration) has often been used in experiments on the negative consequences of social rejection ( Lieberman et al, 1999 ; Klinesmith et al, 2006 ; Ayduk et al, 2008 ; Wesselmann et al, 2010 ) including those interested in measuring hurt feelings (e.g., DeWall et al, 2010 ).…”

When Nobody “Likes” You: Perceived Ostracism Through Paralinguistic Digital Affordances Within Social Media

“…A limitation of this research is that some participants may have engaged in face-saving work during focus group discussion as we addressed possibly sensitive things in a semipublic context (Bernstein et al, 2013), and some cared more about PDAs than others and realize it (Mai, Freudenthaler, Schneider, & Vorderer, 2015). The focus groups were at the larger end of recommendations for group size, and the format could have prevented some from sharing potentially embarrassing feelings, such as being more bothered than others at not receiving PDAs.…”