Negotiating the Boundaries of Intimacy: The Personal Lives of Asexual People

Abstract

This paper uses findings from research diaries to explore the use of practices of intimacy among asexual people. While much of the literature to date has focused on the supposedly transformative and political nature of uniquely asexual practices of intimacy, our findings suggest something different. Rather than seeking to transform the nature of intimate relationships, asexual people make pragmatic adjustments and engage in negotiations to achieve the forms of physical and emotional intimacy they seek. We discuss this in relation to three areas: friendships, sex as a practice of intimacy, and exclusion from intimacy. Our findings suggest the importance of not only considering the social context in which asexual people practice intimacy, but also how the practices in which they engage may be shared with non-asexual people.

Implicit and Explicit Attitudes Toward Sex and Romance in Asexuals

“…These factors may discourage asexuals from coming out, even to their romantic partners. Studies have also found that asexuals might engage in sexual acts with romantic partners, sometimes due to peer pressure and a desire to be normal (Carrigan, 2011;Dawson, McDonnell, & Scott, 2016), or to please (Carrigan, 2011) or show love for their partner (Van Houdenhove, Gijs, TÕSjoen & Enzlin, 2015b). Identifying with asexuality has been described as a relief and liberating (Carrigan, 2011;Robbins et al, 2016), resulting in these individuals feeling more comfortable with themselves, and their sexuality (Robbins et al, 2016).…”

“…In a large scale survey of asexuals conducted online, 45% reported a willingness to compromise with partners and engage in either regular or occasional sex while only 25% reported an unwillingness to have sex (Miller, 2011). As discussed, sexual activity on the part of asexuals may be due to feeling pressured to engage in sex (Carrigan, 2011;Dawson et al, 2016), or please a partner (Carrigan, 2011;Van Houdenhove et al, 2015b), though it may also be the case that an asexual individual experiences sexual desire and arousal, as opposed to sexual attraction, prompting them to engage in sexual activities (Bogaert, 2006).…”

“…A significant portion of previous research was qualitative (Carrigan, 2011;Dawson et al, 2016;Gupta, 2016;Robbins et al, 2016) or examined only self-reported attitudes (Bogaert, 2004;Brotto et al, 2010;Poston Jr & Baumle, 2010;Prause & Graham, 2007;Van Houdenhove et al, 2015b), with little research quantitatively examining differences in specific attitudes between asexuals and the general population.…”

Understanding asexual identity as a means to facilitate culturally competent care: A systematic literature review

“…Whilst lack of sexual attraction features regularly across the commonly used definitions of asexuality, sexual indifference was a very strong theme throughout the asexuality qualitative data. Diary entries in one study (Dawson, McDonnell, & Robbins, ) revealed that sex was currently practised by roughly a third of the research participants, reflecting findings from other studies, which highlight that self‐identified asexuals do engage in sexual activity. Whilst Dawson et al.…”

“…Whilst Dawson et al. () identify that it cannot be assumed that sex is unwillingly performed by asexual people, the sense of indifference is reflected in comments such as, “it didn't hurt me or anything but I just wasn't interested” (Dawson et al., , 358), “sex is just not one of our kinks, Asexual people enjoy plenty of other things that fall under the umbrella of BDSM, but sex can be anywhere from uninteresting to disgusting” (Sloan, , 555), “… this is just boring. So it was like that's the extent of it.…”