Negotiating Courtship

Abstract

Traditional courtship norms delineate distinct gendered behaviors for men and women based on the model of a dominant, breadwinning male and a passive, dependent female. Previous research shows, however, that as women have increased their access to earned income, there has been a rising ideological and behavioral commitment to egalitarian relationships. Drawing on in-depth interviews with 38 college-educated women, this article explores how women negotiate these seemingly contradictory beliefs in order to understand how and why gendered courtship conventions persist even as heterosexual romantic relationships become more egalitarian. My findings show that while the women reference essentialist beliefs about men’s “nature” to explain their commitment to courtship conventions, they draw on narratives of choice, individualism, and personal autonomy to assert that the symbolic gendering of courtship will not interfere with their desire for an egalitarian marriage. However, women’s behaviors and narratives reinforce notions of gender difference, potentially providing support for other forms of gender inequality.

This is Abuse?: Young Women’s Perspectives of What’s ‘OK’ and ‘Not OK’ in their Intimate Relationships

“…Not only did this reinforce the perspective that male demands and desires were prioritised, but also that the notion of casual sex was accepted, as men are naturally commitmentphobic. This sense of symbolic gendering (Lamont 2014), basically the norm or cultural feature of courtship, revealed the perceived benefits and comfort gained from accepting established gendered scripts, rather than suffering the consequences of non-conformity. Thus it was permitted and expected for young men to have a focus on the physicality of intimate relationships.…”

“…Participants described the expectation by both parties that young men would pay for 'stuff' on their first date; in particular, the expected norm of paying for dinner, which reflects the view that a good date is measured by the fulfilment of the expectation that the man pays (Alksnis et al 1996) and, as with other research, the essentialist belief that men should maintain this control (Lamont 2014). The requirement for 'fairness' was regarded as a need to be fair towards their male counterparts, rather than the fairness of promoting their equal position.…”

Women as active agents: Female perpetrators of sexual harassment and domestic abuse.

“…While recent research suggests that the current generation supports more egalitarian relationships (e.g. Lamont, 2014Lamont, , 2015, these sexual scripts are still dominated by ideas of an active man, and a passive woman (Sakuluk et al, 2014).…”

Bryllup i avtradisjonaliseringens tidsalder

“…Engelske studier finner at selv om samfunnet kjennetegnes av økt likestilling, er naere relasjoner fremdeles preget av kjønnsulikhet og kjønnsstereotypier (Jamieson, 1999). Amerikanske studier hevder at bryllup og ekteskap er blitt markører for personlig vellykkethet, og at atferden til den hvite heteroseksuelle middelklassen opphøyes som hegemoniske kulturelle skript (Cherlin, 2004;Lamont 2014).…”