My Pride and Joy? Predicting Favoritism and Disfavoritism in Mother–Adult Child Relations

Abstract

In this article, we compare predictors of mothers’ differentiation among their adult children regarding emotional closeness, pride, conflict, and disappointment. We distinguish between predictors of relational (closeness, conflict) and evaluative (pride, disappointment) dimensions of favoritism and disfavoritism. Multilevel modeling using data collected from 381 older mothers regarding their relationships with 1,421 adult children indicated that adult children’s similarity of values played the most prominent role in predicting mothers’ favoritism and disfavoritism, followed by children’s gender. Children’s deviant behaviors in adulthood predicted both pride and disappointment but neither relational dimension. Contrary to expectations, the quantitative analysis indicated that children’s normative adult achievements were poor predictors of both relational and evaluative dimensions of mothers’ differentiation. Qualitative data shed additional light on mothers’ evaluations by revealing that disappointment was shaped by children’s achievements relative to their mothers’ values and expectations, rather than by the achievement of specific societal, educational, career, and marital milestones.

Sibling Relationships in Adulthood: Research Findings and New Frontiers

“…Associations between family relationships and psychological well‐being are demonstrated in a large body of work regarding links between parental differential treatment, and well‐being in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood (Jensen, Whiteman, Fingerman, & Birditt, 2013; Richmond, Stocker, & Rienks, 2005; Shanahan, McHale, Crouter, & Osgood, 2008). Recently, this line of research has been extended into midlife (Davey, Tucker, Fingerman, & Savla, 2009; Pillemer, Suitor, Pardo, & Henderson, 2010; Suitor, Gilligan, Peng, Jung, & Pillemer, 2015; Suitor et al, 2016). This work has largely been framed using social comparison and equity theories to understand the psychological consequences of adult children's perceptions of being over‐ or under‐benefited compared to their siblings as a result of PDT (Peng, Suitor, & Gilligan, 2016; Suitor, Gilligan, Peng, et al, 2015).…”

Does Educational Similarity Drive Parental Support?

“…Whereas advice is given with the idea that it will have some effect on the recipient's behavior, interest tends to reflect the quality of the relationship. Prior research suggests that mothers do have favorite children with whom they are emotionally closer or in whom they show more pride (Suitor et al, ), and this favoritism may manifest itself in the form of maternal interest. In particular, our findings suggest that mothers may prefer children with high educational attainment.…”

“…Paternal and maternal advice are the child's responses to “Did you get council or good advice from [father's/mother's name] in the past 3 months?” with responses coded as 0 = “not at all,” 1 = “once or twice,” 2 = “several times.” Paternal and maternal interest are the child's responses to “Has [father's/mother's name] shown an interest in your personal life in the past 3 months?” Responses were coded as 0 = “not at all,” 1 = “once or twice,” 2 = “several times.” Means and number of observations for all variables are visible in Table , broken down by dyad type. Parental advice and interest were posed as single‐item measures for parsimony in the questionnaire and are commonly used this way in other studies (Fingerman, Cheng, Tighe, Birditt, & Zarit, ; Grundy, ; Suitor et al, ). Although single‐item measures may be seen as less robust than multi‐item measures, there are two strengths of the way these questions were asked.…”

“…Given the overall high levels of parental support and improved survey data, one line of current research has turned to investigating why some parents provide more support than others (cf. Suitor et al, ). In this vein, we ask whether it is educational similarity or difference that affects the amount of advice and interest parents give to their adult children.…”

Translating Basic Research on the Aging Family to Caregiving Intervention: The Case of Within-Family Differences

“…A large body of work has also demonstrated the negative consequences of parental differential treatment on psychological well-being in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood ( Feinberg & Hetherington, 2001 ; Jensen et al, 2013 ; McHale, Updegraff, Jackson-Newsom, Tucker, & Crouter, 2000 ; Richmond, Stocker, & Rienks, 2005 ; Shanahan et al, 2008 ; Young & Ehrenberg, 2007 ). Recently, this line of research has been extended to the exploration of parental differential treatment and well-being when children are well into midlife ( Davey, Tucker, Fingerman, & Savla, 2009 ; Pillemer, Suitor, Pardo, & Henderson, 2010 ; Suitor et al, 2015 , 2016 ). Pillemer and Suitor (2010) examined actual and perceived maternal favoritism in the domains of closeness, expectations for care, and conflict.…”