Mothering, Guilt and Shame

Abstract

Even as research continues to explore mothering experiences and social psychologists consider the costs of guilt and shame, few empirical works have examined the relationships among mothering, guilt and shame. The idea that guilt and shame are necessary components of mothering is widespread. A few sources take seriously the emotions of guilt and shame nor has considerable thought been given to the social nature of guilt and shame. Rather than accept a purely psychological explanation of guilt and shame, I investigate the institutional and interactional dynamics that fuel women's drives to perform as 'the good mother'. In particular, I explore the 'good mothering' ideology that places mothers at risk of guilt and shame and then two social and institutional spaces where guilt and shame are likely to be prevalent.

‘What are you feeling right now?’ communities of maternal feeling on Mumsnet

“…As Thomson et al (2011) pointed out in their analysis of parenting magazines, such issues are seen as temporary aberrations that can be rectified with the right help. Boon and Pentney (2015) suggest that mothers uploading photographs of breastfeeding to the parenting forum Baby Center conform to accepted maternal ideals, demonstrating how they are good mothers, but also challenge patriarchal discourses of sexualised femininity.…”

“…Good mothers place their children and the desire to care for and protect them above all else, including their own needs and desires. From preconception through to children reaching adulthood, the good mother is expected to be intensely involved in promoting her children's growth, health, development and emotional wellbeing, including actively seeking information to achieve these ends (Beck and Beck-Gernsheim, 1995;Lupton, 2011Lupton, , 2012Thomson et al, 2011;Wall, 2010). Those women who are viewed as flouting these expectations (for example, by allowing their children to become ill or overweight or by smoking cigarettes while they are pregnant or in the company of their children) are treated with a significant degree of moral opprobrium.…”

“…Women often respond to such judgements (either on the part of others or their own assessments of the quality of their mothering) with shame and guilt (Lupton, 2013a;Wigginton and Lee, 2012;Zivkovic et al, 2010). Indeed, it has been claimed that these emotions have become quintessential affective elements of contemporary motherhood, given that women find it difficult to achieve the impossible ideals of the good mother (Sutherland, 2010).…”

Becoming fit to be a mother: class, learning, and redemption inSupersize vs Superskinny

“…The production of guilt in the 'supersized' participants, however, is linked to a greater pedagogical project of inducing shame in participants and viewers, by making both feel a pervasive 'wrongness' in their own bodies and selves. When Janet is confronted with the 'wrongness' of a particular action ('overfeeding' her child), the programme magnifies and multiplies her guilt, situating this 'wrong' action as a habitual, Janet-defining trait -a source of compromised maternal subjectivity, and hence shame (Sutherland, 2010). As Janet tearfully accepts blame for her daughter's size, her reaction is reminiscent of Probyn's (2004) elaboration of shame as the visceral expression of the body's 'being out of place' , a felt acknowledgement of misalignment and the unmet desire to remain unnoticed, to belong.…”

Aversions to the commodification of care: how young Swiss adults plan to organise their future families

“…The ideal of the good mother as a full-time housewife (in German: 'Hausfrau') existed and continues to exist in varying shapes and degrees in many countries (for the English-speaking countries, see e.g. Cowdery and Knudson-Martin 2005;Daly 2011;McDowell 2008;McDowell et al 2005b;Sutherland 2010). In the German-speaking countries, this ideal still continues to have a strong normative pull today (Thiessen and Villa 2010).…”