More than words: Reframing compliments from romantic partners fosters security in low self-esteem individuals.

Abstract

Although people with low self-esteem (LSEs) doubt their value to their romantic partners, they tend to resist positive feedback from their partners. This resistance undermines their relationships and has been difficult to overcome in past research. The authors investigated whether LSEs could be induced to take their partners' kind words to heart by manipulating how abstractly they described a recent compliment. In 3 studies, LSEs felt more positively about the compliments, about themselves, and about their relationships-as positively as people with high self-esteem (HSEs) felt-when they were encouraged to describe the meaning and significance of the compliments. The effects of this abstract meaning manipulation were still evident 2 weeks later. Thus, when prompted, LSEs can reframe affirmations from their partners to be as meaningful as HSEs generally believe them to be and, consequently, can feel just as secure and satisfied with their romantic relationships.

Revising Working Models Across Time: Relationship Situations That Enhance Attachment Security

“…Individuals who have low self-esteem (which correlates highly with attachment anxiety; see Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016, chapter 6 for an extensive review) may particularly benefit from sharing personal accomplishments. If it elicits a compliment from their partner, this is likely to boost their self-esteem (Marigold, Holmes, & Ross, 2007;Marigold, Holmes, & Ross, 2010).…”

“…Research by Marigold and her colleagues (Marigold et al, 2007(Marigold et al, , 2010) reveals the importance of inferring broader meaning from moments when a partner validates and affirms one's positive qualities. Low self-esteem participants were asked to recall a time when a partner complimented them and were assigned to different experimental conditions that varied how the compliment was framed.…”

System justification and the defense of committed relationship ideology.

“…often think of my romantic partner also.‖ In addition, participants completed a measure of relationship felt security (Marigold, Holmes, & Ross, 2007;Murray et al, 2000). Participants were asked to consider -how you feel about your relationship right now‖ while they responded…”

When self-protection overreaches: Relationship-specific threat activates domain-general avoidance motivation

“…When a partner's regard is in doubt, people often alter their perceptions of their relationship, seeing it as less valuable (Marigold, Holmes, & Ross, 2007) and less intimate (Campbell, Simpson, Boldry, & Kashy, 2005). They may also shift their perceptions of their relationship partner, evaluating them more negatively (Murray et al, 2002) or perceiving them as a less dependable source of comfort and support (Murray et al, 1998).…”