Mars and Venus: Unequal Planets

Abstract

Self-help books, a pervasive and influential aspect of society, can have a beneficial or detrimental effect on the therapeutic process. This article describes a thematic analysis and feminist critique of the best-selling self-help book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. This analysis revealed that the author's materials are inconsistent with significant family therapy research findings and key principles of feminist theories. His descriptions of each gender and his recommendations for improving relationships serve to endorse and encourage power differentials between women and men.

Relationship Suggestions from Self-Help Books: Gender Stereotyping, Preferences, and Context Effects

“…A recent survey demonstrated that Gray's (1992) original work and other popular relationship self-help books were among those used by 23% of couples in attempts to improve their relationships, and that among those who sought help, relationship books were the most frequent avenues for assistance (Doss et al 2009). From the perspective of therapists, Zimmerman et al (2001) described the difficult situation of talking with couples in therapy who had read one of Gray's books and "accepted Gray's messages" (p. 67), and thus needing to discuss with clients the awkward fact that the suggestions in the book generally are not consistent with relationship research.…”

“…Doss et al (2009) concluded that very little is known at all about the impact of relationship books on the individuals who use them. But many critics point to the importance of the stereotypical framework that such self-help books provide that then shape subsequent interpretations of ones partner's behaviors (e.g., Anderson 1998;Crawford 2004;Zimmerman et al 2001). One possible basis for understanding the books' effects can be drawn from social cognitive theories on the consequences of stereotypes.…”

“…Critics of popular books on heterosexual relationships agree that the self-help authors tend to overstate differences between women and men (e.g., Anderson 1998;Aries 1996;Crawford 1995Crawford , 2004Hochschild 1994;Worell 1988), ignore other crucial factors that may affect communication patterns or relationship satisfaction (Aries 1996;Worell 1988), and disregard power, status, and role differentials (e.g., Crawford 2004;McDaniel 2001;Zimmerman et al 2001). One of the best-known entries in the relationship genre and the focus of many of the critiques (e.g., Anderson 1998;Cowlishaw 2001;Crawford 2004;Zimmerman et al 2001) is the Mars and Venus series by John Gray (e.g., 1992).…”

“…One of the best-known entries in the relationship genre and the focus of many of the critiques (e.g., Anderson 1998;Cowlishaw 2001;Crawford 2004;Zimmerman et al 2001) is the Mars and Venus series by John Gray (e.g., 1992). As of January 2011, Gray's 1992 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus was still on the Amazon.com love and romance bestsellers list, with two separate entries (#14 for the paperback version and #18 for the Kindle edition; Amazon.com 2011), and in 2010 Gray authored another Mars-Venus relationship book (Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice: Hormonal Balance-The Key to Life, Love and Energy; Gray 2010).…”

“…The prevalence of these mainstream popular books makes it important to assess the impact on readers, as individuals may rely on the advice offered, typically not grounded in empirical findings on relationship research from the U.S. or similar cultures (e.g., see Zimmerman et al 2001). In the present research, we examined an assertion present in the U.S. popular literature about women and men in heterosexual relationships; namely, that women and men differ markedly in what they perceive to be considerate or thoughtful behavior by their romantic partners (e.g., see Crawford 2004).…”