Lesbian and Heterosexual Adoptive Mothers’ Experiences of Relationship Dissolution

Abstract

Little research has explored same-gender couples' experiences of relationship dissolution, and no research has explored relationship dissolution in same-gender adoptive parents. Drawing from feminist and social constructionist perspectives, the current qualitative study examined the perspectives of 13 adoptive mothers (seven lesbian, six heterosexual) who had separated from their partners over the course of a longitudinal study on adoptive families. Participants were interviewed via telephone and represented a geographically diverse sample of mothers in the U.S. Becoming a parent (to a high-needs child in particular), differences in parenting style, parent problems (e.g., substance abuse), and infidelity were perceived as contributing to relationship dissolution by all types of participants. Lesbian mothers were especially likely to emphasize problems with emotional and sexual intimacy, and inequities in the division of labor, as contributors. Lesbian mothers were more likely to describe shared custody arrangements than heterosexual mothers, who were typically the primary residential parents. Participants described both practical challenges (e.g., financial insecurity) and emotional challenges (e.g., feelings of guilt, especially in light of the child's history of loss) in the wake of relationship dissolution. However, participants also identified positive changes that had occurred post-dissolution, including personal growth and improved co-parenting, with the latter being noted by lesbians in particular. Findings have implications for professionals wishing to support diverse families during key life transitions, such as parental relationship dissolution.

Gender in the Context of Same‐Sex Divorce and Relationship Dissolution

“…25. With respect to same-sex couples who parent, social scientific research clearly establishes that in terms of the impact on their children-their well-being, mental health, success in school, and other measures of quality of life-there are no differences between children raised by same-sex parents and those raised by different-sex parents (Ball, 2014;Biblarz & Stacey, 2010;Goldberg, Gartrell, & Gates, 2014). The only statistically significant difference uncovered in a few studies comparing similarly situated same-sex parents and different-sex parents is that the children of same-sex parents tend, on average, to have, in one way or another, more nontraditional attitudes about gender and sexuality (Stacey & Biblarz, 2001;Bos & Sanfort, 2010;Ball, 2014).…”

“…To see the impact of these two points, consider the following observations about W‐W couples who parent. Many W‐W couples, compared to M‐W couples, may find it easier to navigate post‐separation co‐parenting arrangements and tend to resolve disputes about parenting post‐dissolution through mutual consent or mediation, rather than litigation (Goldberg, Moyer, Black, & Henry, , p. 154). This is quite possibly explained because they may encounter fewer of the gendered incongruities that many heterosexual couples tend to encounter post‐separation, such as pressure to (re)gain power in the relationship via custody disagreements (Walzer & Oles, ).…”

“…As W‐W couples are more likely to enter legal unions over M‐M couples (van Eeden‐Moorefield et al, ) and as same‐sex couples who have obtained legal recognition for their relationships are twice as likely to raise children as couples without legal recognition (van Eeden‐Moorefield et al, ; Gates, ), gender differences are likely to emerge in how frequently custody and visitation play a role in relationship dissolution . Adoptive mothers in M‐W couples and adoptive mothers in W‐W couples, when experiencing relationship dissolution, both report “practical challenges (e.g., financial insecurity) and emotional challenges (e.g., feeling of guilt)” following relationship dissolution (Goldberg et al, , p. 141).…”

Monosexual and nonmonosexual women in same-sex couples’ relationship quality during the first five years of parenthood

“…Age was effects coded: newborn (1) versus older (0). This particular age grouping was chosen in light of prior working showing that, among female couples with adopted children, women who ultimately dissolved their relationships were more likely to have adopted a non-newborn child (Goldberg & Garcia, 2015; Goldberg, Moyer, Black, & Henry, 2015).…”

Feminist Perspectives on Family Relationships: Part 2

“…Part 1 of the special collection was published by Sex Roles in August 2015, and Part 3 will be published later in 2016. Part 1 included articles on both lesbian and heterosexual adoptive parents' experiences after relationship dissolution (Goldberg et al 2015), young adults' future plans for gender role division of labor in projected couples' relationships (Fulcher et al 2015), bisexual mothers' perspectives on motherhood (Tasker and Delvoye 2015), and the role of emotion work in romantic relationships (Curran et al 2015). Part 1 also included a discussion of the concept of Bscaling intersectionality^on the study of gender, migration, and family (Mahler et al 2015), and a critical analysis of a White-supremacist chat room conversation about gender and families in the United States (Bjork-James 2015).…”