Keeping and sharing secrets at the interpersonal level

Abstract

Secrets are inherently social, for they are always kept from somebody else. Accordingly, keeping and sharing personal secrets not only has implications for one’s close relationships, but the individual experience of keeping and sharing secrets is also largely influenced by existing close relationship dynamics. Here, we extend prior discussions of secrecy by providing a theoretical discussion of the sociality of secrets and the potential mechanisms through which they could influence and be influenced by interpersonal relationships. We specifically focus on the mechanisms of shared reality, authenticity, trust, and rumination, and argue that keeping and sharing secrets can have considerable influence on close relationships, in ways that may be distinct from self‐disclosure. This paper integrates individual‐level concerns about keeping and sharing secrets with the dyadic implications of those decisions by considering both the secret‐keeper and target (i.e., the person from whom the secret is kept or shared with). In turn, we offer novel predictions for future research regarding the interpersonal consequences of secrecy.