Is It Our Day or the Bride’s Day? The Division of Wedding Labor and Its Meaning for Couples

Abstract

Based on qualitative interviews with southern California heterosexual engaged couples, I examine how wedding planning work is divided between the bride and the groom and how couple's meaningfully interpret the division of labor. I find that couple's wedding planning work disproportionately falls to women, especially that labor that is invisible. Wedding work, in many respects, is another form of unpaid and unappreciated women's work, not that unlike housework. Yet, couples do not understand wedding work as an unequal pursuit. Couples use an assortment of interactional strategies to interpret wedding work as a joint and equal enterprise.The image of a man being dragged to the wedding alter and a woman, in contrast, ever eager to wed is a common one in U.S. popular culture. Children's toy makers offer young girls wedding dolls and wedding accessories, suggesting that wedding is an important and desirable part of being a woman. The commercial wedding industry targets women almost exclusively. There is, for example, no equivalent of "Brides Magazine" for the groom. Despite the continued and widespread gender stereotypes related to wedding, do men and women have an unequal involvement in wedding and wedding planning? Do participants see wedding planning as "women's" work and wedding work as women's primary responsibility? I examine the division of wedding planning work and how heterosexual couples meaningfully construct and interpret wedding work in the context of their relationship. Ultimately, my qualitative study of weddings provides insight into marriage and family life in the midst of changing gender ideologies.Correspondence should be directed to

Conducting a Multi Family Member Interview Study

“…Access to both individual and dyadic or group accounts provides a holistic constellation of data (Holmberg et al., ; Sniezek, ). A key example of this approach is found in Brimhall and Engblom‐Eglmann's () study on how the death of a first spouse affected a second marriage.…”

“…These scholars use both interview techniques to ascertain contrasting aspects of the same research question, with the individual interview illuminating how the interviewee views him or herself and the relationship, and the dyadic/group interview allowing for the observation of dynamics that can only be revealed in interaction. Scholars who aim to have access to independent accounts of family life in addition to the observance of interactional dynamics may consider this approach (Sniezek, ). This is most commonly undertaken through a constructionist frame, but (post)positivist scholars also utilize this approach to point to inconsistencies in an individual's account and to ask family members to come to agreement on the truth.…”

'Maskenin Arkasındaki Sır Düğün ve Toplumsal Cinsiyet Eşitsizliği

“…Düğün planlama, yemekleri hazırlama, dekorasyonu sağlama, gelenlerle ilgilenme, alışveriş yapma, temizlik yapma gibi ev işlerine benzer birçok işi gerektirdiği için yapılan işler görünmez hale gelmektedir. Düğünün planlanması kadınsı bir iş olarak görülmekte ve erkek daha çok bu işi kadına bırakmaktadır (Sniezek 2005). Erkekler bu sürece dahil olursa erkeksi işleri yapmaktadırlar (Humble et al 2008).…”

“…Hatta gelinlere özel ajandalar oluşturulduğunda düğün ajandası denilmek yerine gelin ajandası veya gelin günlüğü adlarını verilerek düğün hazırlıklarının kadınların görevi olduğu mesaji sürekli verilmektedir (Bambacas 2002), çünkü kadınların, sanki kadın olmanın doğal bir uzantısı gibi düğünle ilgili hazırlıkları yaptıklarına inanılır (Humble et al 2008). Bundan dolayı, düğün sürecinde ve düğünden sonra kadınının görünmeyen ve karşılığı ödenmeyen bir emeği mevcuttur (Sniezek 2005). Düğün sürecinde yapılan birçok hazırlık feminenlik, duygusallık ve tüketim gibi geleneksel kadın rolleri ve işleri ile ilişkilendirildiğinden bu işler kadınlara bırakılarak kadınların emeği bu süreçte bir kez daha karşılığını bulamaz (Blakely 2008;Besel et al 2009).…”

“The Royal We”

“…Our analysis extends previous wedding research by revealing gendered dyadic processes in heterosexual wedding planning and by demonstrating how competing ideologies contribute to incomplete social change. Kalmijn, 2004;Otnes & Pleck, 2003;Sniezek, 2005). Carrying out the work of a wedding provides an opportunity for couples to display patterned behaviors that may contribute to gender careers (Cheal, 1989).…”