Impediments to Intimacy

Abstract

Research results indicate that intimate contact can profoundly affect health and well-being. The capacity for intimacy, however, differs from person to person. Given its origin in the symbiotic phase of development and its being influenced by the separation-individuation process, the capacity for intimacy is subject to disruption by fear of object loss and fear of merger. In this article, I examine these and other fears as impediments to intimacy. Because of the affective engagement between patient and analyst, these impediments can best be studied, understood, and treated within the psychoanalytic relationship. KEY WORDS: intimacy; love; psychoanalysis.Separation and connectedness exist simultaneously and make each other possible. At the same time I was in here and he was over there, we were also at one -M. Almost all clinicians would agree that intimacy is good. Most people desire it, and most consider it basic to well-being. Research results indicate that, compared with people not in intimate relationships, those in such relationships have lower mortality rates, are less likely to develop mental and physical illnesses, experience fewer stress-related symptoms, and have fewer accidents (Prager, 1995).

Who Can Give Me Satisfaction?

“…Cash, Thériault, & Annis, 2004; Phillips et al, 2013). However, an intimate relationship requires not only the capacity to exchange thoughts and feelings but also the capacity to be autonomous and yet comfortable with dependence (e.g., Alperin, 2006; Arseth, Kroger, Martinussen, & Bakken, 2009; Beyers & Seiffge-Krenke, 2010). Following this line of reasoning, Sobral and Costa (2015) proposed a two-dimension conception of fear of intimacy that encompasses both exchanging and dependence as components of intimacy.…”

“…Overall, research showed that fear of intimacy hinders intimate relationships and individual well-being (Alperin, 2006; Hook, Gerstein, Detterich, & Gridley, 2003). Particularly, fear of intimacy was shown to be an obstacle to intimacy (Thelen et al, 2000) and to relationship quality (Brunell et al, 2007).…”

Whatever you Say: A Multimethod Investigation of Sex, Romantic Relationships, and Interpersonal Dependency

“…Within the established relationship, the couple (sexual partners) moves from surrender to independence cyclically (Gau, 2011), there is a passionate merging that occurs both emotionally and physically yet each must maintain their boundary. Michael Bader (2009) talks about this physical boundary as "sexual selfishness" and Alperin (2006) addresses the need for emotional boundaries. So, surrendering draws on one's ability to be dependent on the other -even for a brief moment -while the maintenance of boundaries draws up one's independence (Feeney, 2007).…”

“…Yet, it can be seen here where healthy dependency could hold an adaptive role. That is, an individual must be dependent but remain independent enough to not collapse and be subsumed by their partner for eroticism to flourish (Alperin, 2006). Therefore, both interpersonal dependency and healthy dependency can be conceptually linked to sexual functioning within an established relationship, although possibly in opposing ways.…”

Development of the Fear of Intimacy Components Questionnaire (FICQ)

“…However, personal sharing must coexist with the ability to maintain individuation and to commit ''without fear of ego loss'' (p. 264). Psychoanalytic theories emphasize that individuals must feel comfort with feelings of merger in order to be genuinely intimate (Alperin, 2006). Family systems theory (Bowen, 1978) suggests that when partners are not individuated the relationship is not intimate but fusional instead.…”