Identifying the dimensions of secrets to reduce their harms.

Abstract

How does the content of secrets relate to their harms? We identified a data-driven model (across five empirical steps), which suggested that secrets are generally seen to differ in how immoral, relational, and profession/goal-oriented they are (Study 1). The more a secret was consensually perceived to be immoral, relational, and profession/goal-oriented, the more that secret was reported to evoke feelings of shame, social connectedness, and insight into the secret, respectively. These three experiences independently predicted the extent to which the secret was judged as harmful to well-being (Studies 2a-c and 3). Reciprocally, reminding participants of the ways in which a secret does not need to be harmful (i.e., across the three dimensions of secrets) bolstered participants' feelings of well-being and efficacy with regard to coping with that secret (Study 4). A final study that examined secrets from romantic partners replicated the effect on perceived coping efficacy, which in turn predicted daily indicators of relationship quality (Study 5).

A process model of having and keeping secrets.

“…Potentially, the consequences of the processes evoked may differ when the secret is evaluated positively, and an advantage of the present model is identifying these processes that will be common to all secrets. The issue of positive secrets will be returned to at the end of the article, but it should be noted that relative to the other secrets people keep, positive secrets are quite rare (Slepian et al, 2017) and atypical (Slepian & Koch, in press), and in some instances, the effects of positive secrets can resemble the effects of prototypically negative secrets (e.g., when a positive secret creates social distance and is thus isolating; see Slepian et al, 2019).…”

“…If the secret is unresolved or important, or if the external demands of the environment are low, the secret will likely draw attention. People often associate their secrets with feelings of shame, isolation, uncertainty, and inauthenticity, and as such, mind-wandering to secrets predicts worse mood and lower well-being (Slepian & Koch, in press; Slepian et al, 2017). If repetitive thinking becomes ruminative (i.e., characterized by feelings of passivity and helplessness), symptoms of depression and anxiety are more likely.…”

“…Yet, a very small minority of secrets are positive in valence (Slepian et al, 2017). A subset of positive secrets are kept in order to be revealed (a surprise, a marriage proposal), and so these secrets may act quite differently given the goal is to reveal to delighted recipients (see Slepian & Koch, in press). That said, even for secrets with positive connotations, when people are worried about the harm of the secret coming out too soon, or feel isolated with the secret, the effects of such secrecy are likely to more resemble that of prototypically negative secrets (see Slepian et al, 2019).…”

“…Perhaps by keeping a secret one is protecting someone’s feelings, protecting a relationship, or maintaining social harmony (McDonald et al, 2020). Focusing on the good one’s secret might do may offset the negative effects of frequent mind-wandering to the secret (see Slepian & Koch, in press; Slepian, Masicampo & Galinsky, 2016). Given the importance of disclosure in romantic relationships, perhaps interventions could help people navigate the complexities of disclosure and concealment in romantic relationships (see Willems et al, 2020).…”

Morality, punishment, and revealing other people’s secrets.

“…People keep infidelities secret from their partners, drug use secret from family members, an abortion secret from colleagues, illegal behavior secret from friends. Doing so benefits secret keepers by protecting their reputation but also comes with a cost: lower well-being, isolation, and harm to relationships (e.g., Frijns & Finkenauer, 2009; Larson & Chastain, 1990; Larson et al, 2015; Quinn & Chaudoir, 2009; Quinn et al, 2017; Slepian et al, 2017, 2019; Slepian & Koch, 2021).…”