“I Don’t Look Like Her”: Race, Resemblance, and Relationships in Multiracial Families

Abstract

Race and resemblance are tied to family membership, and relationships characterize family dynamics. In this article, we argue that race, resemblance, and relationships intersect in distinct, layered ways in multiracial families. While scholarship has documented how multiracial families have historically been considered outside of the norm, little research has explored the impact of this racialized reality on family relationships. This article examines how phenotype shapes family interactions and, over time, the family relationships between a child and her or his mother, father, and sibling(s) through the voices of 60 black/white biracial adults. By reflecting on their earliest childhood memories to their most recent encounters, their narratives illuminate experiences shaped by their status in a multiracial—and historically unorthodox—family. We underscore how multiracial families are perceived by others based on racial resemblance (or lack thereof), how family members contend with these racialized perceptions, and how black/white biracial Americans perceive their own family relationships.

What does it mean to be Black and White? A meta‐ethnographic review of racial socialization in Multiracial families

“…As a result, children relied on their parents to better comprehend why these events happened and what they meant, so they were often the ones to initiate the conversation about race. Parents adopted various approaches to dealing with these situations, which ranged from surface‐level egalitarian explanations (e.g., “Your daddy's dark, I'm [mom] white, and you're in between, which makes you special”; McKinney, 2016) to more in‐depth messages about racial hierarchies and discrimination within the United States and how to cope with it (Marbury, 2006; McKinney, 2016; Waring & Bordoloi, 2019). In the latter, parents usually tailored the socialization messages to the context of discrimination that occurred.…”

“…Throughout the literature, many participants also reported delivering or receiving messages that fostered Black cultural awareness and pride. This communication was done at the parent–child level through explicit verbal discussions about prominent Black people and the beauty of Black phenotypical features, especially hair (Boyd, 2012; McKinney, 2016; Waring & Bordoloi, 2019). One mother explained that her daughter questioned why she did not have straight hair, to which she responded, “I would love to have your thick healthy, shiny, curly hair” and continued to “emphasize how beautiful she was” (Boyd, 2012, p. 46).…”

“…Relationship quality also appeared to influence a Biracial person's reception of parental racial socialization as one participant explained, “Since I'm really good friends with my mom, she has a huge influence on me. My dad doesn't have such a deep influence on me, and I think that contributes to the fact that I have more of an association with white people” (Waring & Bordoloi, 2019, p. 159). A similar trend was reported among several participants in Porow's (2014) investigation, but they felt closer to their Black mothers and Black people due to their fathers' being absent from their lives.…”

“…The last major antecedent to racial socialization was youth exposure to Multiracial and Monoracial forms of racial discrimination. In fact, the first socialization experience that many participants reported occurred in response to children being called names like “Oreo” or the “N” word (Hubbard, 2012; Marbury, 2006; McKinney, 2016; Rauktis et al, 2016; Waring & Bordoloi, 2019). As a result, children relied on their parents to better comprehend why these events happened and what they meant, so they were often the ones to initiate the conversation about race.…”

“…Most notably, we found that racial socialization functions along with important indicators of family wellbeing like parent–child relationships and communication. For instance, Biracial children who discussed race with their parents were more likely to report closer relationships with them than Biracial participants who had fewer discussions about race with their parents (Waring & Bordoloi, 2019). These findings further demonstrated that many parents of Biracial Black–White children realized the importance of racial socialization but lacked the skills and confidence necessary to engage in the practice.…”