I Can But You Can't: Inconsistencies in Judgments of and Experiences With Infidelity

Abstract

Despite strong prohibition against infidelity and endorsement of exclusivity as a norm, many people report engaging in infidelity. The current study examined this paradox by employing a between-subject design using online surveys with 810 adults to assess actor-observer biases in the degree of permissiveness judging own versus partner's hypothetical behaviour, as well as hypocrisy in judgments of infidelity versus self-reported behaviour. Participants judged their own behaviour more permissively than their partner's, but only for emotional/affectionate and technology/online behaviours (not sexual/explicit or solitary behaviours). Many reported having engaged in behaviours that they judged to be infidelity, especially emotional/affectionate and technology/online infidelity behaviours. Sexual attitudes, age, and religion predicted inconsistencies in judgments of infidelity and self-reported behaviour (hypocrisy). This study has implications for educators and practitioners working with couples to improve communication and establish guidelines for appropriate and inappropriate behaviour.

Unforgiveness Motivations in Romantic Relationships Experiencing Infidelity: Negative Affect and Anxious Attachment to the Partner as Predictors

“…Although there are many definitions that have been proposed to explain the concept of infidelity, there is still no agreement regarding its meaning (e.g., Thompson and O’Sullivan, 2016b; Thompson et al, 2017). An acceptable definition of infidelity could refer to it as a violation of the commitment of relational exclusivity, which can adopt a sexual, emotional, and/or mixed format of short or long duration (Dillow et al, 2011; Fife et al, 2013), with people other than the main partner (Dillow et al, 2011).…”

“…Similarly, this definition is not acceptable if a diversity of opinions and judgments about behaviors that can be considered unfaithful are considered, because they are usually met with some disagreement from one person to another depending on his or her involvement or not with episodes of infidelity. Thus, people tend to judge their partner’s behavior as more indicative of infidelity than their own behavior (Thompson and O’Sullivan, 2016b). Thompson and O’Sullivan (2016a) classified different extradyadic behaviors that people believe to be constitutive of infidelity, establishing four groups of behaviors: (a) behaviors of a sexual nature (e.g., vaginal and or anal penetration or oral sex); (b) technological (e.g., sending someone sexually explicit and or affectionate text messages or emails); (c) emotional/affectionate (e.g., sharing secrets with a person other than the partner); and (d) solitary (e.g., masturbation).…”

“…Thompson and O’Sullivan (2016a) classified different extradyadic behaviors that people believe to be constitutive of infidelity, establishing four groups of behaviors: (a) behaviors of a sexual nature (e.g., vaginal and or anal penetration or oral sex); (b) technological (e.g., sending someone sexually explicit and or affectionate text messages or emails); (c) emotional/affectionate (e.g., sharing secrets with a person other than the partner); and (d) solitary (e.g., masturbation). Under this classification, recent research shows that behaviors of a sexual nature are judged to be more indicative of infidelity because they tend to include more explicit behaviors and are not ambiguous (Thompson and O’Sullivan, 2016b, 2017; Thompson et al, 2017). Instead, evaluations based on patterns involving technological, emotional/affectionate, and solitary behaviors are usually considered more ambiguous behaviors and judged as indicative of infidelity depending on the particularities of the situation which occurred (Thompson and O’Sullivan, 2016b, 2017).…”

Ain’t misbehavin? Monogamy maintenance strategies in heterosexual romantic relationships

“…Similar to Study 1, participants were asked to endorse experiences of sexual and romantic infidelity within their current romantic relationships. Eight dichotomous (yes/no) items assessed whether participants had engaged in romantic or sexual infidelity in their current relationships, whether their partners had engaged in romantic or sexual infidelity in their current relationships, and whether participants suspected that their partners had engaged in romantic or sexual infidelity in their current relationships (Thompson & O'Sullivan, ).…”

“…Despite consistently strong personal and social sanctions against infidelity, infidelity is not uncommon in Western societies. Approximately half of individuals report having engaged in infidelity at some point over their lifetimes, and approximately one fifth of individuals report sexual infidelity in their current romantic relationships (Mark, Janssen, & Milhausen, ; Thompson & O'Sullivan, ). A substantial body of research examining predictors of infidelity in terms of personality traits and relationship characteristics makes clear that most individuals and relationships are susceptible (Drigotas, Safstrom, & Gentilia, ; Hackathorn, Mattingly, Clark, & Mattingly, ; Mark et al, ; Weaver, ).…”