How work spills over into the relationship: Self‐control matters

Abstract

This research investigated how and for whom experiences of the workday spill over into relationship functioning at home. Two correlational studies and one experimental study were conducted among Dutch dual‐earners with children. Moderated mediation analyses showed that work demands spill over into relationship behavior through the depletion of temporary self‐regulatory resources and subsequently a decrease in psychological availability for the partner. Whether work demands spill over into relationship behavior was dependent on dispositional self‐control in that evidence for negative spillover was only found for individuals low in dispositional self‐control. The experimental study showed that the induction of gratitude for the partner after the workday helped individuals low in dispositional control to prevent negative spillover into the partner relationship.

A diary study on the role of psychological detachment in the spillover of self-control demands to employees’ ego depletion and the crossover to their partner

“…Moreover, the strength model of self-control states that ego depleted individuals (i.e., actors) lack the necessary self-control resources to engage in effortful goal directed behavior (e.g., maintaining a long-term relationship with his/her partner; Baumeister, 2002). Consequently, the actor might not be able to carefully listen and pay attention when his/her partner shares worries, to place his/her partner's need above his/her own or to remain calm when his/her partner acts irritable (Danner-Vlaardingerbroeck, Kluwer, Van Steenbergen, & Van Der Lippe, 2016). In turn-being confronted with this undesired interpersonal behavior-, the actor's partner needs to invest selfcontrol resources him/herself when encountering these lacks of considerations of the actor in an attempt to act congruent with the long-term goal (e.g., maintaining a positive interpersonal relationship) and in an attempt to suppress an incivility spiral (Baumeister, 2002).…”

Testing the theory of resilience and relational load in dual career families: relationship maintenance as stress management

“…Loneliness in marriage could also be magnified because many dual-career parents deplete their higher order cognitive processes, such as the ability to regulate behavior, thoughts, and emotions, while at work and have little cognitive and emotional energy left for new stressors at home (Miyake et al, 2000). This is particularly true when marital partners require psychological availability from their partner at the end of a work day (Danner Vlaardingerbroek, Kluwer, Van Steenbergen, & Van Der Lippe, 2016). Consequently, when something stressful happens at home or stress spills over from work, there might not be enough positive emotions and energy remaining to communicate effectively or to adequately maintain one's marriage.…”

“…Prolonged relationship maintenance not only helps family members view events as less stressful in the first place but it also helps them better manage stress when it inevitably occurs. Family members who take the time to better maintain their relationships with one another after a long work or school day have been shown to experience less negative spillover from the day onto the family (Danner-Vlaardingerbroek et al, 2016). Relationship maintenance behaviors and actions protect family members from conflict and depressive symptoms (Ellison, Kouros, Papp, & Cummings, 2016) because they promote feelings of validation and security.…”