“How did you stay together so long?” Relationship longevity, a cross‐generational qualitative study

Abstract

This global qualitative study adopted a cross‐generational approach considering key factors contributing to relationship longevity. Relatively few studies consider factors leading to relationship longevity as articulated by couples themselves, and there is a paucity of research considering young couples' questions regarding relationship longevity. This study has two sample groups. In sample one (n = 137) we asked individuals in relationship of 3–15 years questions they would ask couples in marriages of 40+ years. We then asked our second sample of coupled individuals married 40+ years (n = 180) these questions. The primary question from the younger couples to couples in long‐term marriages regarded their “secret” to relationship longevity. This study focuses on this one question and coupled individuals' self‐articulation of their “secrets” to relationship longevity. The top seven were (1) commitment, (2) altruism, (3) shared values, (4) good communication, (5) compromise: give and take, (6) love, and (7) never give up. The clinical implications for couple therapists are discussed.