The effect of gain and loss of esteem is introduced into the equations of time evolution of social relations, hostile or friendly, in a group of actors. The equations allow for asymmetric relations. We prove that in the presence of this asymmetry, the majority of stable solutions are jammed states, i.e. the Heider balance is not attained there. A phase diagram is constructed with three phases: the jammed phase, the balanced phase with two mutually hostile groups, and the phase of so-called paradise, where all relations are friendly.