Healing Intergenerational Wounds: An Integrative Relational–Neurobiological Approach

Abstract

Old resentments and unfinished business from the family of origin can constrain adults in current relationships with parents or siblings and negatively affect relationships with partners or children. This article explores how old wounds get reactivated in current relationships and contribute to the intergenerational transmission of painful legacies and trauma. Building on intergenerational family theory and interpersonal neurobiology, the dynamics of reactivity and pathways for growth are explored. While much of the time the human brain is on autopilot, driven by habits and emotional reactivity, we are capable of bringing prefrontal thoughtfulness and choice to close relationships. Rather than being victims of parents or our past, we can become authors of our own relational life. Interventions are offered to help adult clients “wake from the spell of childhood,” heal intergenerational wounds, and “grow up” relationships with family of origin. The damage caused by parent‐blaming in therapy is explored and contrasted with Ivan Boszormenyi‐Nagy's emphasis on rejunctive action and cultivating resources of trustworthiness in intergenerational relationships. The family is considered both in its cultural context—including stressors and resources for resilience—and in its life cycle context. Aging in the intergenerational family is discussed, focusing on ways adult children and their parents can grow and flourish with the challenges at this time of life. Throughout, the theme of relational ethics—how we can live according to our values and “reach for our best self” in intergenerational relationships—informs the discussion.

Family in the Age of COVID‐19

“…Yet, there is a difference between virtual and in‐person contact. Again, there are both the yin and yang of this, both the challenge of loss of connection and new possibilities for connection (Fishbane, 2019). Future social science will sure tell us how this has been experienced and its impact.…”

‘I then had 50 stitches in my arms…such damage to my own body’: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis of Izzat trauma and self‐harm experiences among UK women of South Asian heritage

“…That is that hurt and misunderstandings are common in intergenerational family relationships across all cultures, because of the reality of family members navigating conflicting needs and expectations (Fishbane, 2019). It has been suggested that if abuse is ongoing or if there is a risk to physical/psychological safety, emotional threat or harm threat to an individual, then clearly the therapist needs to advocate for the client's safety (Fishbane, 2019).…”

Meaning Co‐Construction: Facilitating Shared Family Meaning‐Making in Bereavement

“…Larger systems, such as intergenerational patterns, familial cultural values, and spiritual beliefs, play a role in family meaning‐making processes. Therapists should consider the influence of these larger systems and intergenerational complications on constructing family meaning and uncovering narrative possibilities (Fishbane, 2019).…”