Gay Parenthood and the Decline of Paternity as We Knew It

Abstract

Most analyses of postmodern transformations of intimacy feature adult unions, often placing gays and lesbians on the frontier. The contemporary pursuit of parenthood evinces a similar shift from obligation to desire and from an economic to an emotional calculus. Here too, gay men and lesbians serve as pioneers, with planned gay male parenthood occupying particularly avant-garde terrain and Los Angeles County. This article analyzes gay male narratives of parental desire and decision-making drawn from ethnographic research on gay male intimacy and kinship in Los Angeles, the unlikely global epicenter of gay paternity. It identifies a 'passion for parenthood' continuum in which most men occupy an intermediate zone which leads them to situational paternity or childlessness contingent upon intimate relationships. Heterosexual 'situations' lead most straight men to paternity, while homosexual 'situations' lead a majority of gay men to childlessness. Yet the very success gay men achieve pursuing parenthood against enormous odds exposes conditions governing contemporary family life that represent the decline of paternity as we knew it. This does not augur the demise of male parenthood, however, but its creative, if controversial, reconfiguration.

How Law Shapes Experiences of Parenthood for Same-Sex Couples

“…Research has begun to successfully incorporate the experiences of gay and lesbian parents who became parents prior to coming out alongside those who become parents after coming out (Moore, 2011). Yet as Stacey (2006) notes, there is no one-size-fits-all family form, and future work should explore, for instance, how stepparent or co-parent gay and lesbian families might face different experiences from both of these family forms. Indeed, the law might matter in unique ways for co-parent and stepfamilies.…”

Gay fathers, gay citizenship: on the power of reproductive futurism and assimilation

“…It is clear that this level of depth of conversation about having children was new to a number of the participants and several men expressed gratitude for a space in which to air their thoughts, and learn more about how they see the issue in conversation. This distribution of the wish to be a parent is in itself interesting as it is doubtful that there would have been such an even split with earlier generations of young gay men, suggesting a change in young gay men's identities and expectations about their life course, as has been noted in previous work in the US (Mallon, 2004;Lewin, 2006;Stacey, 2006;Berkowitz, 2007;Rabun & Oswald, 2009;Goldberg et al, 2012). Previous generations of gay men have grown up with an expectation that their sexual identity precluded a parental identity, reinforced within and outside gay communities through public understandings of gay and bisexual lifestyles.…”

A review of gay and lesbian parented families’ travel motivations and destination choices: gaps in research and future directions

“…Gay fathers are more commonly committed to full-time employment (Biblarz and Stacey 2010), and, thus, spend less time with their children than lesbian mothers. Gay men also challenge gender stereotypes more often than lesbian mothers as they refute preconceived ideas of masculinity more commonly than lesbians dispute femininity (Stacey 2006). Biblarz and Stacey (2010, 17) conclude women are better parents and, thus, families parented by lesbians are more likely to have a "double dose of caretaking, communication, and intimacy".…”