Fostering partner dependence as trust insurance: The implicit contingencies of the exchange script in close relationships.

Abstract

A model of the trust-insurance system is proposed to examine how low and high self-esteem people cope with the interdependence dilemma posed by feeling inferior to a romantic partner. Feeling inferior automatically activates "if-then" contingencies that link inferiority to the exchange script (i.e., partner qualities are evenly traded) and exchange script anxieties to reparative efforts to secure a partner's dependence. A daily diary study of newlyweds and five experiments supported the model. Induced upward social comparisons to the partner activated exchange anxieties for low, but not high, self-esteem people. When implicitly primed, the exchange script heightened worries about being inferior and motivated behavioral efforts to increase the partner's dependence regardless of selfesteem. When consciously deliberated, the exchange script only elicited dependence-promotion for low self-esteem people. "It's a discrimination that's widespread, but largely unspoken, causing pain and stress to the affected couples, who often find it hard to talk about, even to each other. I'm talking, of course, about marrying outside your looks. Marrying a few degrees up or down the hotness scale. Refusing to stay within your cute-gory."Though tongue-in-cheek, Belinda Luscombe's comments in an essay for Time Magazine (May 7, 2007, pg. 86) illustrate a ubiquitous principle of social life -the need to perceive a matched or equivalent exchange (Thibaut & Kelley, 1959). The implicit assumption that partners need to be "matched" in basic value is so engrained that violations of this equivalence principle prompt a search for explanation. After all, who hasn't implicitly assumed that an unattractive man paired with a beautiful woman is either rich, powerful, or both?Address correspondence to Sandra Murray, Department of Psychology, Park Hall, University at Buffalo, The State University of New York, Buffalo, NY, 14260−4110. E-mail: smurray@buffalo.edu.. Publisher's Disclaimer: The following manuscript is the final accepted manuscript. It has not been subjected to the final copyediting, fact-checking, and proofreading required for formal publication. It is not the definitive, publisher-authenticated version. The American Psychological Association and its Council of Editors disclaim any responsibility or liabilities for errors or omissions of this manuscript version, any version derived from this manuscript by NIH, or other third parties. The published version is available at www.apa.org/journals/psp. NIH Public Access NIH-PA Author ManuscriptNIH-PA Author Manuscript NIH-PA Author ManuscriptThis paper examines how the motivation to perceive an equivalent exchange affects the dynamics of romantic relationships. We argue that two implicit and inter-connected "if-then" procedural rules solve a basic problem of interdependence: Ensuring a partner's commitment to meet one's needs (Kelley, 1979). To avoid costly rejection experiences, people rely on a dynamic and dyadic barometer that estimates their worth relative to the partner. In this...

Automatic coping mechanisms in committed relationships: Increased interpersonal trust as a response to stress

“…Research has also shown, however, that people sometimes respond to threatened regard or feelings of inferiority with compensatory activities (e.g., taking on a chore) that aim at restoring a partner's dependence(Murray et al, 2009). 2 The amount of money y which was returned by the experimenter was related to x and the ratio of returned money was determined in advance so that all participants ended up with a payoff between 1.60€ and 2.60€.…”

A People-As-Means Approach to Interpersonal Relationships

“…Serving as a means to multiple goals should: (a) make people feel that their partners are more dependent on them, thus enhancing feelings of security (e.g., Murray, Aloni et al, 2009); (b) make people confident that even if they lose the ability to be instrumental in one domain or if their partner no longer pursues a particular kind of goal, they will still be able to offer their partner other things; (c) make it harder for partner to find an alternative partner who could do all of the things they do for the partner.…”

Maintaining mutual commitment in the face of risk

“…People who responded to feeling inferior by doing communal favors for their partner also had partners who reported greater commitment to them the next day [12].…”

“…For the "ensure-mutual-dependence" rule, we activated feelings of inferiority to the partner (IF) by implicitly priming the exchange script [12]. In one experiment, participants in A c c e p t e d M a n u s c r i p t 7 the "inferiority" condition (IF) reviewed personal ads that touted the importance of partners making an even exchange [20].…”

“…The "ensure-mutual-dependence" rule links Aaron's acute feelings of inferiority to Arya to his tendency to do communal favors that increase Arya's commitment to him (THEN). This rule protects commitment by ensuring that Aaron takes concrete steps to make Arya need him before he risks asking her to demonstrate her commitment to him [12]. The "accommodation" rule links Arya's acute feelings of hurt and rejection at Aaron's hands (IF) to her tendency not to retaliate and behave badly (THEN).…”