Feeling Scared During Sex: Findings From a U.S. Probability Sample of Women and Men Ages 14 to 60

Abstract

Using data from a U.S. probability survey of individuals aged 14 to 60, we aimed (1) to assess the proportion of respondents who ever reported scary sexual situations and (2) to examine descriptions of sexual experiences reported as scary. Data were cross-sectional and collected via the GfK KnowledgePanelV R. Scary sexual situations were reported by 23.9% of adult women, 10.3% of adult men, 12.5% of adolescent women, and 3.8% of adolescent men who had ever engaged in oral, vaginal, or anal sex. Themes included sexual assault/rape, incest, being held down, anal sex, choking, threats, multiple people, novelty/learning, among others. Over the past two decades, there has been substantial growth in the quantity and nuance of research on adolescent and young adult sexual development (e.g.

Women’s techniques for making vaginal penetration more pleasurable: Results from a nationally representative study of adult women in the United States

“…Of those who opened the study link, 88.8% (3017/3398) completed the survey (49.7% [3017/6123] of the initial sampling frame) and represent the analytical sample in this study. This completion rate is similar to other Ipsos-conducted nationally representative studies of sexuality and sexual behavior (44% -51%) [32,50,51,62]. Ipsos operates a modest incentive program that includes raffles and sweepstakes with both cash rewards and other prizes for completing the survey.…”

“…For example, as described earlier, ambiguous, slang-based, or overly clinical terms [19,[41][42][43][44][45][46][47]49] are often used in scientific and popular media to describe stimulating or penetrating the vagina. Inaccessible vocabulary can present substantial barriers to a woman's ability to accurately describe to a partner what techniques she would like to use, and how she would like them performed [50]. This ambiguity could likewise impede a woman's individual learning of how to amend existing sexual techniques she likes, or to learn new techniques.…”

“It Was Scary, But Then It Was Kind of Exciting”: Young Women’s Experiences with Choking During Sex

“…Considering how prevalent choking has become, it is striking how little is known about itincluding how consent may be negotiated, communicated, or understood for choking. Prior research suggests that women may consider choking to be scary (Ashton et al, 2020;Herbenick et al, 2019), disgusting (Crosby et al, 2020), exciting/adventurous (Herbenick, Patterson, et al, 2021b), and/ or erotic (Rehor, 2015). Yet, scientific knowledge of choking during sex is limited to a few empirical reports with investigator-driven response options, as well as numerous reports of sexual assault and fatalities (intentional or unintentional) of mostly women who were choked during sex (e.g., Bows & Herring, 2020;Mcquown et al, 2016;Olson, 2012;Sendler, 2018).…”

The Heteronormativity Theory of Low Sexual Desire in Women Partnered with Men

“…It is not surprising, then, that women are subject to higher rates of sexual abuse and assault (Muehlenhard et al, 2017 ). Even within consensual sex, sexual scripts increasingly, and disproportionately, involve women on the receiving end of rough sex behaviors such as choking, slapping, and aggressive fellatio (Herbenick et al, 2019 , 2021 ; Sun et al, 2008 ) (which some experience as pleasurable but many or most do not) as well as sex that moves beyond unpleasurable and into frightening territory (Herbenick et al, 2019 ). Even when women’s pleasure is on the table, it can be in the service of men: some men see women’s orgasms as trophies signaling the men’s sexual ability rather than experiences of the women’s pleasure (Chadwick & van Anders, 2017 ; Salisbury & Fisher, 2014 ).…”

“…Some women have sex they want, and some women have sex that their men partners want and that the women are open to. But a number of women (and almost no men) have reported in a nationally representative survey that they engaged with sex because it was part of their job, a duty or obligation of being married (Herbenick et al, 2019 ), which is a heteronormative hallmark. “Duty sex” is not very sexy, and people—including men—report losing sexual interest in this situation (Loewenstein et al, 2015 ; Pepe & Byrne, 1991 ), as occurred in our case study above.…”