“F*** this shit” - Negotiating the Boundaries of Public Expression of Mother’s Negative Feelings

Abstract

In 2017, Finnish celebrity Sini Ariell published a blog post titled "F*** this shit" in which she revealed her difficult feelings as a mother of a newborn baby. Attracting attention from Finnish media, the post went viral. Through the empirical analysis of affective reactions to the post on an anonymous online discussion board, we explore how the limits of the public expression of negative maternal feelings are negotiated and maintained, but also challenged. Our results highlight the normative, even punitive dynamics of the digital intimate public, as commenters on the discussion board often argued that struggles and unhappiness during motherhood should not be made public but dealt with in private. However, ambivalences and supportive comments suggested the possibility to challenge norms surrounding motherhood and widen the discussion of difficulties and inequalities in motherhood and family life. Based on our analysis, we argue that affective articulations of anger, anxiety and exhaustion may challenge the digital intimate public's "infrastructure of happiness", and they thus have political potential to disrupt the ideals of good motherhood and address the affective struggles that mothering often entails.

“Hang in there mama!” The role of online parenting forums in maternal mental health

“…The view was widely held that being in "control" of these feelings (thinking carefully about how, and who, these feelings are shared with) was crucial. Many forum users regarded it as wholly inappropriate to share such feelings on such a public platform (Mustosmäki & Sihto, 2021). The authors of the paper conclude that there is a need for more public displays of motherhood struggles, in order to eliminate the ubiquitous stigma that is so pervasive around negative motherhood thoughts.…”

“…Although the anonymity of forum disclosure has been discussed here in a positive light, it highlights the discomfort that is still felt around more public displays of discontent with motherhood. Indeed, Mustosmäki and Sihto (2021) discuss the judgement, and even outrage, expressed by some mothers on an online discussion forum when Finnish celebrity Sini Ariell disclosed her struggles with new motherhood. In a blog post Ariell made several admissions, including feeling like she was "in prison" and that she wanted to leave the baby.…”

“…It has been argued that these representations of motherhood "failures" and frustrations are only acceptable within certain acceptable cultural limits. Motherhood difficulties presented in blogs are often done so in a humorous way, presenting "bad" motherhood in a way that still allows her to be seen positively by her audience (Mustosmäki & Sihto, 2021). Rarely do bloggers present raw, "inappropriate", negative maternal feelings that may be deemed unacceptable (Mustosmäki & Sihto, 2021).…”

Saying the unsayable: The online expression of mothers’ anger during a pandemic

“…They receive empathy and friendly support in response. However, Mustosmäki and Sihto (2021) argue that such sharing needs to be anonymous, otherwise mothers are criticised for opening their children to future stigma.…”

The figure of a regretful mother on an online discussion board

“…Berlant (2008) argued that the proliferation of therapeutic discourses has increasingly impelled us to express or confess our intimate thoughts on public platforms. For instance, mothers can complain about children going through the terrible twos, lament the lack of time for themselves, vent about the unequal sharing of childcare and household chores and gauge the appropriateness and legitimacy of frustrations and 'negative' maternal emotions, such as exhaustion, anger, irritation and dissatisfaction (Ehrstein et al, 2019;Mustosmäki and Sihto, 2021;Pedersen and Lupton, 2018). Intimacy is created by individuals sharing details of their private lives, private experiences and feelings, often with expectations of validation, relief, connection and a sense of belonging (e.g.…”