Does self-love lead to love for others? A story of narcissistic game playing.

Abstract

Five studies investigated the links among narcissism, self-esteem, and love. Across all studies, narcissism was associated primarily with a game-playing love style. This link was found in reports of general love styles (Study 1a) and of love in ongoing romantic relationships 5). Narcissists' gameplaying love style was the result of a need for power and autonomy (Study 2) and was linked with greater relationship alternatives and lesser commitment (Study 3). Finally, narcissists' self-reports of game playing were confirmed by their partners in past and current relationships (Studies 4, 5). In contrast, self-esteem was negatively linked to manic love and positively linked to passionate love across studies. Implications for the understanding of narcissism in relationships are discussed.If you do not love yourself, you will be unable to love others. (Popular belief quoted by Branden, 1994) There are a whole lot of hearts breakin' tonight from the disease of conceit.-Bob Dylan, "Disease of Conceit" It is popularly believed that self-love is a necessary prerequisite for loving others. As exemplified by the first quote above, this belief permeates the realm of self-help literature (Branden, 1994). At a societal level, this belief may be linked to the self-esteem movement (itself an offshoot of the human potential movement), which has promoted positive self-views as a panacea for a range of social ills from unemployment to violence and teenage pregnancy (Mecca, Smelser, & Vasconcellos, 1989). There are several explanations for why self-love should promote love for others. Perhaps individuals who do not love themselves do not believe that others can love them and thus avoid healthy love relationships. Or perhaps if individuals do not love themselves, they select bad relationships as part of an overall self-destructive strategy. Of course, the presumed link between self-love and love for others may also reflect a misinterpretation of causation. When people love others, they grow in love for themselves-at least if the love is returned.In short, there is a popular belief that loving the self is a net positive for loving others, but the exact causal chain remains unclear (W. K. Campbell & Baumeister, 2001).A second and historically older position suggests quite a different view of self-love. As noted in the second quote above, it is believed that self-love can actually prevent or even be harmful for romantic relationships. This position was described most colorfully by the ancient Greeks in the story of Narcissus. Narcissus was the personification of self-love: He saw himself as beautiful and better than those around him. Unfortunately, it was precisely this self-love that kept Narcissus from forming loving relationships with others. He wandered the country looking for the ideal partner (one potential partner, Echo, had her heart broken by Narcissus), but he fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water and died. Clearly, the Greeks saw self-love as an impediment to loving others as well as a source of sufferi...

Narcissistic personality disorder: relations with distress and functional impairment

“…Indeed, NPD was only uniquely related to causing significant others pain and duress. This finding is consistent with knowledge gathered about the impact of narcissism in non-clinical samples, where narcissism is associated largely with costs suffered by others (24,26).…”

“…However, this is problematic due to the use measures (e.g., NPI) that appear to capture only partially the construct as it is currently conceptualized by the DSM-IV and the reliance on undergraduate samples. Even if one were to rely on this body of literature, the central question would remain unresolved as to whether narcissistic individuals experience psychological distress (this literature suggests they do not; 21) or substantial impairment (24,26). The current study addresses these issues by presenting data on the concurrent and longitudinal relations between narcissistic PD and psychological distress and functional impairment in two clinical samples.…”

“…The DSM-IV postulates that "interpersonal relations are typically impaired due to problems derived from entitlement, the need for admiration, and the relative disregard for the sensitivities of others" (p.716). Empirical studies of narcissism in the social-personality literature find that it predicts a self-centered, selfish and exploitative approach to interpersonal relationships, including game-playing, infidelity, a lack of empathy, and even violence (24)(25). The negative consequences of narcissism are felt especially strongly by those who are involved with the narcissist (26).…”

Are normal narcissists psychologically healthy?: Self-esteem matters.

“…In fact, they deliberately use close others for selfenhancement purposes, a tactic labelled "the Others Exist for Me" illusion by Sedikides, Campbell, Reeder, Elliot, and Gregg (2002). It is no surprise then that high narcissists are attracted to partners who express admiration, whereas they are turned off by partners who offer intimacy (W. K. Campbell, 1999), preferring a gameplaying ("ludic") love style (W. K. Campbell, Foster, & Finkel, 2002) and showing low commitment to dating relationships (W. K. .…”

“…Although high narcissists prefer a ludic love style and manifest low commitment in dating relationships, they seem to satisfy their (however low) intimacy needs by selecting or marrying admiring partners (W. K. Campbell, 1999;W. K. Campbell, Foster, & Finkel, 2002).…”