Displaying family at a women’s refuge

Abstract

This article explores the family relationships of mothers and children living at a women’s refuge because of intimate partner violence. Theoretically, the article contributes to the sociological literature analysing family relationships in terms of ‘doing’ and ‘displaying’ rather than ‘being’ a family. Empirically, it is based on ethnographic fieldwork and semi-structured interviews with children living at a refuge in Denmark. The article shows that family display at the refuge is conducted by both mothers and children and sometimes in conflicting ways, not least when it comes to the question of how to define the position of the father (who has committed the violence) in the family’s future life. This highlights how display – as an evaluative practice – can be done in different ways in order to protect or reject family relationships, both internally and when addressing external audiences. Furthermore, the article analyses family relationships in a semi-public setting (the refuge) where powerful audiences are active interpreters of the family display enacted, and participants in decisions concerning the families’ futures.

What makes a good mother? Two decades of research reflecting social norms of motherhood

“…Research has shown how mothers are required to control their mothering based on comprehensive knowledge of the expected and accepted behavior in various sites. The expectation that a mother must be in control is reflected in mothers' attempts to be viewed positively by outsiders (Collett, 2005 ), or to prove that they are “good” mothers (Byrt & Dempsey, 2020 ; Henze‐Pedersen & Järvinen, 2021 ) in various phases of motherhood (Mansvelt et al, 2017 ). It has, for example, been shown that during pregnancy, mothers often strive to control their body size, their cravings (Copelton, 2007 ; Nash, 2015 ), and their emotions (Staneva et al, 2017 ).…”

“…These attempts may, for example, occur when mothers attend children's playgroups (Collett, 2005 ); when they are involved in children's leisure, outdoor, and sports activities (Clark & Dumas, 2020 ; Clement & Waitt, 2017 ; Trussell & Shaw, 2012 ); or when they are involved in their children's school education (Caputo, 2007 ). Mothers are expected to know which behaviors are endorsed in which public site, and how to adapt their mothering accordingly (Grant et al, 2018 ; Henze‐Pedersen & Järvinen, 2021 ; Ponsford, 2011 ). They may be rewarded for their behavior, for example, by being granted access to specific groups of like‐minded mothers (Afflerback et al, 2013 ).…”