Difficult People: Who Is Perceived to Be Demanding in Personal Networks and Why Are They There?

Abstract

Abstract:Why do people maintain ties with individuals whom they find difficult? Standard network theories imply that such alters are avoided or dropped. Drawing on an intensive survey of over 1,100 diverse respondents who described over 12,000 relationships, we examined which among those ties respondents nominated as a person whom they "sometimes find demanding or difficult". Those so listed composed about 15 percent of all alters in the network. Ego and alter traits held constant, close kin, especially women relatives and aging parents, were especially likely to be named as difficult alters. Nonkin described as friends were less, and those described as coworkers more, likely to be listed only as difficult alters. These results suggest that normative and institutional constraints may force people to retain difficult and demanding alters in their networks. We also found that providing support to the alter, but not receiving support from the alter, was a major source of difficulty in the relationship. Furthermore, the felt burden of providing support was not attenuated by receiving assistance, suggesting that alters involved in reciprocated exchanges were not less often labeled difficult than were those in unreciprocated ones. This study underlines the importance of constraints in personal networks.

Who Counts as Family Later in Life? Following Theoretical Leads

“…The culling of less meaningful ties may be one reason that for older but not younger adults most interpersonal conflicts come from close ties with a partner, children, other family members, and friends (Sorkin & Rook, ). Similarly, in one study, a sample of 50‐ to 70‐year‐olds did not describe network members as difficult or demanding, but did find ties with older parents and adult children most likely to be ambivalent, described as both engaged and difficult (Offer & Fischer, ). As for progeny, the well‐being of older parents benefits from positive relationships with adult children and suffers from poor treatment by them or problems in their lives (see Birditt, Hartnett, Fingerman, Zarit, & Antonucci, ).…”

“…The social obligation to provide support and care embedded in ties between spouses and between parents and children limits the extent to which these relationships can remain emotionally uncomplicated by tension, ambivalence, and conflict. People aged 50 to 70 years old are more likely to describe ties with their older parents, adult children, and romantic partners as sometimes difficult and troublesome when they are helping them (Offer & Fischer, ). Balancing support with paid work and other family commitments may heighten ambivalence about providing support, and whether adult child or older parent, there is typically ambivalence about receiving intensive support.…”

The strength of dynamic ties: The ability to alter some ties promotes cooperation in those that cannot be altered

“…This is a particularly critical gap in the literature because humans are embedded in networks composed of ties that vary in their susceptibility to change. Although existing research on networks and cooperation has assumed that dynamics work because uncooperative alters are dropped, in real-world networks, people are often constrained from dropping ties to even their most “difficult” alters ( 8 ). Our work accounts for the richness of real-world networks by examining whether and how dynamics promote cooperation even when some ties in the network cannot be severed.…”

“…This is an important omission because real-world networks are characterized by a mix of ties that are more or less susceptible to change. While people typically have control over with whom they interact and selectively alter their interaction partners over time ( 3 , 6 ), severing ties can be costly ( 7 ), and some ties are far more difficult or costly to shed than others ( 8 ). Thus, research on fully dynamic networks may tell us less than we now assume about the high levels of cooperation we observe in the real world, unless the presence of dynamic ties also promotes cooperation in more static relations.…”

Social networks and health in later life: a state of the literature

“…For example, in their study of family caregiving, Suitor and Pillemer (1993) found that caregivers often reported their siblings as sources of both instrumental support and interpersonal stress. However, ambivalence in social networks can extend beyond familial relations (Offer and Fischer 2018).…”