Debunking Lesbian Bed Death: Using Coarsened Exact Matching to Compare Sexual Practices and Satisfaction of Lesbian and Heterosexual Women

Abstract

The current study examined the prevalence and correlates of over 50 sexual practices in a national survey of heterosexual and lesbian women in relationships. Coarsened exact matching was used to create comparable samples of heterosexual (n = 2510) and lesbian (n = 283) women on six demographic factors, including relationship length. Heterosexual and lesbian women were equally likely to be sexually satisfied (66% heterosexual women vs. 68% lesbian women). Compared to heterosexuals, lesbians were more likely to report having sex 0-1 times per month (11% vs. 23%) and were less likely to report having sex greater than once per month (89% vs. 77%). Among women who had been in relationships for longer than 5 years, heterosexual women were less likely than lesbian women to report having sex 0-1 times per month (15%; 42%). This steeper drop in sexual frequency among lesbian women than heterosexual women has pejoratively been labeled lesbian bed death. Rather than accept the label "lesbian bed death" as characterizing these sexual relationships, we turn our attention to what we call lesbian bed intimacies: the myriad ways that lesbian women incorporate behaviors promoting emotional connection, romance, and mood setting, as well as relying on a wide variety of specific sexual acts (e.g., use of sex toys) and sexual communication. Compared to heterosexual women, lesbian women were more likely to usually to always receive oral sex during sex in the past month (28%; 47%) and to use sex toys in the past year (40%; 62%). In their last sexual encounter, lesbian women were more likely to say "I love you" (67%; 80%), have sex longer than 30 min (48%; 72%), and engage in gentle kissing (80%; 92%). These intimacies likely help explain why sexual satisfaction was similar in these groups despite notable differences in sexual frequency.

Romantic Love and Sexual Frequency: Challenging Beliefs (now published: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2024.2394670)

“…This may be a consequence of housing arrangements, whereby younger people in our sample are less likely to have their own place of residence in which to engage in sexual activity. The expected lower frequency of sexual activity among homosexual participants too, may relate to a desire to hide sexual activity from family members, although we cannot discount the possibility that it is partially attributable to generally lower frequency of sexual activity among lesbians (Frederick et al, 2021;Frederick et al, 2022), who may be less motivated to engage in sex than males. Partner mate value had the strongest association with frequency of sex per week.…”

A critical review of sociological research on sexual pleasure

“…Conversely, sexual dissatisfaction can be seen as symptomatic of other marital issues (Leavitt et al., 2017). When looking at committed relationships more broadly, there are similar connections between sexual pleasure and level of commitment (Armstrong et al., 2012; Beckmeyer et al., 2021; Fahs, 2014; Foust et al., 2022; Frederick et al., 2021; Frith, 2013; Leistner & Mark, 2023; Lentz & Zaikman, 2021; Ritter et al., 2018; Rivas‐Koehl et al., 2023; Stephenson et al., 2011; Thorpe et al., 2021). Entrenched beliefs frame committed relationships as the only context in which pleasure can be achieved, and (a man's) pleasure as vital to relationship quality.…”

Sexual Rewards and Costs in Heterosexual and Gay Hispanic Adults

“…Considering the use of sex toys by lesbians as less expensive may be related to item 16 of fun with the partner chosen as the second most beneficial exchange by them. This result could also be because lesbians, compared to heterosexual women, use sex toys more frequently [46].…”