“Daddies,” “Cougars,” and Their Partners Past Midlife: Gender Attitudes and Relationship and Sexual Well-Being among Older Adults in Age-Heterogenous Partnerships

Abstract

Discussion of “daddies” has exploded in popular discourse, yet there is little sociological research on age-heterogenous partnerships. This paper uses data from the 2013 Midlife in the United States survey and the 2015–2016 National Social Life, Health, and Aging Project to examine age-heterogenous partnerships at older ages (63 was the approximate average age of each sample). On most measures of life satisfaction and relationship well-being, individuals in age-heterogenous partnerships—regardless of age or gender—were not very different from their counterparts in age-homogenous relationships. Some differences did emerge, however, especially related to sexual well-being. Women partnered to older men had less sex and more issues related to sexual satisfaction than their counterparts in age-homogenous relationships. Latent class analyses suggest that these differences were driven by around 40 percent of younger women partnered to older men, a minority of whom were deeply dissatisfied. This research helps address the underrepresentation of sexuality research at older ages and the sociological research gap about age-heterogenous partnerships.

Age‐dissimilar couple relationships: 25 years in review

“…Older as well as some more recent quantitative scholarship suggests that older-man relationships are unequal (Carmichael, 2011;Casterline et al, 1986), that those with older partners suffer poorer health (Drefahl, 2010;Kim et al, 2015;Klinger-Vartabedian & Wispe, 1989), and that age dissimilarities lead to higher levels of separation, conflict, and dissatisfaction (Bumpass & Sweet, 1972;Hancock et al, 2003). However, recent studies regularly challenge earlier links between age differences and short-term, unequal, dissatisfying, and conflict-ridden relationships (Choi & Cheung, 2017;Lee & McKinnish, 2018;Lehmiller & Agnew, 2008;Pyke & Adams, 2010;Silva, 2019;Verbakel & Kalmijn, 2014;Zhang et al, 2012). Some scholars draw links between experiences of dissatisfaction or conflict and the social acceptability of age dissimilarities, suggesting that negative experiences decline as these relationships become more socially acceptable (Amato et al, 2009;Silva, 2019).…”

“…However, recent studies regularly challenge earlier links between age differences and short-term, unequal, dissatisfying, and conflict-ridden relationships (Choi & Cheung, 2017;Lee & McKinnish, 2018;Lehmiller & Agnew, 2008;Pyke & Adams, 2010;Silva, 2019;Verbakel & Kalmijn, 2014;Zhang et al, 2012). Some scholars draw links between experiences of dissatisfaction or conflict and the social acceptability of age dissimilarities, suggesting that negative experiences decline as these relationships become more socially acceptable (Amato et al, 2009;Silva, 2019).…”

“…Examining marriages from 1968 to 2012, they find that couples' tendencies to coordinate retirements are for the most part gender neutral, and appear similar regardless of who is older. Focusing on aging, Silva (2019) draws on two national surveys in the United States (from 2013 and 2015 to 2016) to examine age differences among mostly heterosexual couples. He explores partners' life satisfaction and sexual wellbeing, finding few differences between age-similar and age-dissimilar couples' satisfaction (see also Lee & McKinnish, 2018).…”

“…Couples with large age differences are often understood in terms of pathology and seen as prone to power imbalances, opposing values, dissatisfaction, poor health, and separation (Carmichael, 2011;Drefahl, 2010;Hancock et al, 2003;Kim et al, 2015; contested by Lee & McKinnish, 2018;Pyke & Adams, 2010;Silva, 2019). Social scientists and media and cultural studies scholars are increasingly attentive to stigma and norms of similarity, which they investigate using attitudinal surveys and media analysis (Lawton & Callister, 2010;Lehmiller & Agnew, 2008;McKenzie, 2015;Montemurro & Siefken, 2014;Proulx et al, 2006;Speicher, 2017).…”

“…These and related findings-including that older people are more open to age differences (Lehmiller & Agnew, 2008;Villar et al, 2019)-challenge assumptions that younger generations are less conventional in their partner choices. Silva (2019), whose sociological work on the United States is outlined above, finds that age-dissimilar couples are neither more nor less "traditional" in their gender attitudes, except when it comes to ideas about women working. Women partnered to younger men are actually more likely to express "conservative" beliefs, and women with older men are less likely to do so.…”