Continuing bonds with the living: bereaved parents’ narratives of their emotional relationship with their children

Abstract

The death of a child can be seen as one of the most devastating experiences for parents, which can result in a unique and enduring grief. Parents with surviving children face the task of navigating their own grief while continuing to parent. This narrative inquiry explores bereaved parents' stories of their emotional relationship with their surviving children.Parents told stories of emotional connection and disconnection with surviving children, influenced by the competing and potentially incompatible tasks of 'parenting' and 'grieving'.The need for a relational focus to bereavement research and practice is highlighted. The findings demonstrate the need for clinicians to provide i) parents an opportunity to explore their sometimes contradicting and troubling experiences of grief and parenting and ii) children with support to make sense of their experiences in relation to the parent-child relationship.

The Phenomenon of Bereaved Parenting: An Integrative Review of Literature

“…There were, however, differences. Parents whose children died from an illness, accident, or suicide expressed various challenging aspects, including a unique conflict between the need to parent and their need to grieve (Buckle, 2003; Shankar et al., 2017). Those whose children died in infancy seemed to have a slightly different experience in that they discussed viewing parenting as a gift and seemed able to choose their perspective.…”

“…Buckle (2003) and Shankar et al. (2017) identified that parents struggled with the unique, conflicting dual tasks of the need to parent versus the need to grieve, or the needs of others versus the needs of self.…”

“…Early in bereavement, many parents were consumed with grief and the demands of parenting, functioning at a reduced level (Buckle, 2003; Rosenblatt, 2000; Shankar et al., 2017). Bereaved parents cited difficulty loving their remaining children due to anxiety, guardedness, and being emotionally distant (Buckle, 2003; Rosenblatt, 2000).…”

“…As such, the impact of a child’s death on family functioning has been well studied, to include research on the marital relationship (Albuquerque, Pereira, & Narciso, 2016; Essakow & Miller, 2013; Umphrey & Cacciatore, 2014; Ungureanu & Sandberg, 2010), parental communication processes (Kamm & Vandenberg, 2001; Toller & Braithwaite, 2009), and effects on siblings (Akard et al., 2019; Packman, Horsley, Davies, & Kramer, 2006) and the entire family unit (Titus & de Souza, 2011; Walsh & McGoldrick, 2013). However, the parent-surviving sibling relationship and, more specifically, the crucial role of parenting is an area that has not been well studied (Albuquerque et al., 2016; Shankar, Nolte, & Trickey, 2017). To determine the current state of science on this subject and create a platform for future research, an integrative review of literature was conducted on the phenomenon of bereaved parenting.…”

The Hardest Part Is Knowing I Will Survive: The Use of Music and Creative Mediums to Enhance Empathy and Facilitate Life-Long Distance Learning in Professionally Qualified Clinicians

“…The content of the referral and my style of responding reminded me of an idea discussed by Shankar, Nolte and Trickey (2017) which proposes that in facing the loss of a child parents must oscillate between their connection to the lost child and their grief, or, to their remaining children. I imagined Patricia must feel the competing demands of both being present for her children and containing their loss, and the desire to lose herself in her own grief.…”