Cognition During Marital Conflict: The Relationship of Thought and Talk

Abstract

This article describes and analyzes the stream of thought occurring concurrently with overt communication about marital conflict. The research considers how marital conflicts may be affected by selective attention to different elements of conflict (different emotions, issues, interactional behaviors, and background events) and by spontaneous attributions about communicative intentions and outcomes. One hundred eighteen couples discussed a current conflict issue, then individually watched a videotape of the discussion and reported thoughts and feelings experienced during the discussion. Descriptively, the thoughts revealed limited complexity, infrequent perspective taking, a predominant concern for implicit relationship issues over content issues, and frequent direct analysis of the communication process. Spouses viewed their own communication in more favorable terms than their partner's communication. Husbands and wives also viewed the interactions differently, with wives appearing, in certain respects, more other-directed, relationship-sensitive, and objective. Interaction-based thoughts were especially subjective in the most severe conflicts, as suggested by a lack of correspondence between attributions about communication and observer coding of the interactions. Furthermore, in severe conflicts and dissatisfied relationships, the individuals had more angry, blaming, and pessimistic thoughts and less focus on content issues.

Social Support in Couples: An Examination of Gender Differences Using Self-report and Observational Methods

“…Immediately after their interaction had been recorded, the partners were seated separately and asked to complete a video-review task (e.g., Fletcher & Thomas, 2000;Sillars, Roberts, Leonard, & Dun, 2000;Simpson, Ickes, & Blackstone, 1995).…”

When Courtship Persistence Becomes Intrusive Pursuit: Comparing Rejecter and Pursuer Perspectives of Unrequited Attraction

“…For instance, Sillars and his colleagues (Sillars, 1998;Sillars, Roberts, Leonard, & Dun, 2000) have examined aggressive and nonaggressive married couple's arguments. They find that spouses in aggressive relationships underestimate their negative contributions to an argument (e.g., use of avoidance tactics) and overestimate their positive input (e.g., how constructive they were being).…”

The manageability of empathic (in)accuracy during couples’ conflict: Relationship-protection or self-protection?

“…These findings lead us to the hypothesis that it might not just be relationship-protection, as specified by the model, that can be a motive to be empathically inaccurate during potentially threatening situations, but that there is also a role for self-protection serving as a similar motive. Implicit evidence for self-threat as an underlying motive for empathic inaccuracy has been found in research investigating the content of partners' thoughts (Authors' citation; Sillars, Roberts, Leonard, & Dun, 2000). These studies suggest that an individual's thoughts during conflict often concern their partner's behavior or personality, and can be labeled as 'personal appraisals' (i.e., thoughts including "personal evaluations and perceived characteristics of the partner, or the self"; Sillars et al, 2000, p. 487).…”