Children's understanding of their parents' divorces

Abstract

Wallerstein and Kelly (1980) identified age as the best predictor of how children initially react to their parents' divorces. They found that preschoolers react differently from early elementary school-aged children and that older elementary school-aged children and adolescents react differently from both younger groups. T:hey interpreted these findings within a psychodynamic framework, but acknowledged that children's levels of cognitive development also shape their reactions; most of the preschoolers, for example, egocentrically assumed that [:hey were responsible for the divorce. This chapter provides the cognitive (complement to the findings of Wallerstein and Kelly by describing the ways children in each of these age groups make sense of their parents' divorces.

Developmental differences in children's understanding of marriage, divorce, and remarriage

“…The questions focused on the following areas: children's understanding of the concepts of marriage, divorce, remarriage, and stepfamilies; the possible nature of the family relationships; the motives underlying marriage, divorce, and remarriage; the advantages and disadvantages of these family situations for the children and adults involved; and beliefs concerning the acceptability of divorce, of remarriage, and of being single. These issues were thought to represent the central concerns for parents and elementary school-aged children during these transitional events (see also Kurdek & Siesky, 1980;Neal, 1983), and to be the type of information necessary for parents and mental health professionals to have if they want to understand and address children's concerns about these family situations. For example, some of the questions asked about marriage concerned the reasons why people marry, whether and why the subject planned to marry, whether being married means living happily ever after, what it is like to be married, and the qualities associated with good and bad marriages and spouses.…”

“…Evidence from prior studies indicates reliable age-related trends in the way children reason about their own parents' divorce (Kurdek, 1986;Kurdek & Berg, 1983; Kurdek & Siesky, 1980;Neal, 1983;Wallerstein & Kelly, 1980) and about family roles and relationships (Borduin, Mann, Cone, & Borduin, 1990;Brodzinsky, Singer, & Braff, 1984;Gilby & Pederson, 1982;McGurk & Glachan, 1987;Newman, Roberts, & Syre, 1989;Piaget, 1928;Wedemeyer, Bickhard, & Cooper, 1989). Consistent with developmental trends in interpersonal reasoning (Selman, 1980;Shantz, 1983), these findings indicate that older children's views of their parents' divorce and of the family are more likely than those of younger children to be differentiated, abstract, and psychological.…”

Relation Between Children's Perceptions of Maternal Mental Illness and Children's Psychological Adjustment

“…This is generally the logic underlying studies of children's perceptions of their divorcing parents (Neale, 1983), alcoholic parents (Marcus & Tisne, 1987), abusive parents (Halperin, 1981), and marital interaction (Aquilino, 1986). Yet, comparatively little is known about how children of mentally ill parents perceive their parents and how these perceptions impact a child's psychological adjustment.…”

A Pilot Study of African American Children's Cognitive and Emotional Reactions to Parental Separation

“…Relatedly, children's adaptation has been found to be associated with their understanding and emotional experience of their parents' separation (Kurdek & Berg, 1987;Kurdek & Siesky. 1980b;Neal, 1983).…”

“…Research with Caucasian samples indicates that children's emotional responses to separation frequently include anger, fear, depression, and guilt (Hetherington, 1979). Problematic cognitions commonly include self-blame, fantasies of parental reconciliation, a sense of feeling different from one's peers and a heightened sensitivity to interpersonal incompatibility (Kurdek & Berg, 1987;Neal, 1983;Young, 1983). Generally, favorable adjustment appears to be associated with factors such as utilization of psychological terms (e.g., parents do not love each other anymore) to define separation, a positive evaluation of both parents, an internal locus of control, avoidance of self-blame and perception of having acquired strengths as a result of the divorce (Kurdek & Siesky, 1980b).…”