Petroleum-based polyolefin plastics currently possess highly unsustainable cradle-to-grave linear life cycles. Using them as a resource for the production of new functional polymers not only decreases the generated waste but also reduces our reliance on petroleum-derived monomers for traditional bottom-up synthesis of new polymeric materials. Herein, we demonstrate that polyethylene (PE), the most abundant plastic in production today, can be transformed into low-molecular-weight water-soluble antimicrobial polymers. In this proof-of-concept study, organocatalytic C−H aerobic oxidation of PE was first achieved to append reactive oxygenated and chloro functional groups onto the inert polymer chains, followed by further chemical modifications to form water-soluble amphiphilic polymers. Our first-generation polymer showed antimicrobial efficacy against opportunistic pathogenic Candida fungi without appreciable hemolysis even at high concentrations (2 mg/mL). The PE-derived antimicrobial polymer may find applications to combat the spread of fungal pathogens.