‘Because I love him’: Children’s relationships to their parents in the context of intimate partner violence

Abstract

This paper investigates how children experience and practice parental relationships after moving to a women’s refuge. Most research has explored the moving and separation process from women’s perspectives, but this paper focus on children’s perspectives. Based on ethnographic fieldwork and interviews with children at a refuge, the analysis shows how children’s parental relationships – despite the violence – remain important under difficult family circumstances, and how children practice intimate social bonds while being embedded within complex family relationships. This brings attention to the wider contexts of children’s relationships and how these affect children’s experiences and practices of intimate social bonds.

Children’s Talk About Fathers’ Regret: Making Sense of Fathers’ Violence Against Mothers

“…Hence, our findings add nuance to previous findings by showing that some children either acknowledge their violent father as a different kind of father, or argue that his violent behavior is something he regrets or is part of his multifaceted, and sometimes problematic, personality (cf. Cater, 2007;Henze-Pedersen, 2021). Altogether, these results thus inform us about what living with an adult (biological parent or not) who has subjected one's mother to violence might be like for children.…”

“…Thus, discourses on violent or distant fathers, for example, can be understood in contrast to the discourse of the "good family" and the caring father. Accordingly, a father's violence can be difficult for a child to understand and explain, as he is expected to stand by the child and provide safety and wellbeing (Cater, 2007;Henze-Pedersen, 2021).…”

“…Taking responsibility and apologizing, or showing regret in other ways, are commonly expected in the Swedish context (Isdal, 2017:177-180). Continuing to use violence can thus be understood as problematic and as transgressing normative expectations of how violence should be handled, especially as your father is expected to stand by you and provide safety and wellbeing (Cater, 2007;Henze-Pedersen, 2021). Hence, our findings add nuance to previous findings by showing that some children either acknowledge their violent father as a different kind of father, or argue that his violent behavior is something he regrets or is part of his multifaceted, and sometimes problematic, personality (cf.…”

“Does It Really Get Better After Dad Leaves?” Children’s Experiences With Domestic Violence: A Qualitative Systematic Review

“…Most of the participants were interviewed using a semi-structured approach either individually, with siblings, or in a focus group. The very young children had action group sessions or visual exercises during the interviews, and some studies conducted it combined with field work (Henze-Pedersen, 2021; Morrison, 2014; Nikupeteri & Laitinen, 2015). One study used qualitative data from trial materials of post-separation stalking cases involving DV, inclusive of pre-trial investigation records, and performed content analysis (Nikupeteri et al, 2021).…”

Ethical Practices of the Family Child

“…This suggests that children can experience a form of ascribed relationality that is at odds with the fluid perspective that imbues contemporary family sociology (Finch, 2007; Mason and Tipper, 2008b; Morgan, 2011). Thus, for many of these children, the idea of parents holds such a particular importance (Henze-Pedersen, 2021) that children have to relate to and reflect on these relationships regardless of the quality of them.…”