If there are any lingering doubts about the ability of non-humans to cause incalculable suffering by their own capacities, we need look no further than COVID-19, that microscopic, semiliving, spiky sphere of protein and RNA that has changed the world as we know it. By the same token, if there are any doubts about the locus of responsibility for harm in which nonhumans play a leading role, we need look no further than the 2020 public health crisis in the USA, in which moral outrage over the mishandling of the pandemic has been aimed directly at human (if inhumane) leaders. Why has the virus not been subject to moral judgement? Despite its irrefutable capacity to inflict harm, and thus the pandemic's distributed causality, there is no confusion regarding where accountability for preventable suffering resides. Nevertheless, we have taken this non-human object extremely seriously. And in so doing, we have heightened our attunement to 'hard power'-to the racism and injustices of health inequities that have left Black, Latinx and Indigenous bodies particularly vulnerable to morbidity and death. In their debate piece on the pitfalls of the 'new materialism', Fernández-Götz et al. (2020) advance two critiques of this disparate body of theory as it has been deployed in studies of Roman expansion. First, they proffer that the turn to 'things' absolves humans of responsibility for harm, including the damages inflicted by Roman conquest and subjection. Second, they submit that an undue focus on objects at the expense of humans works to marginalise 'hard power' and obscure inequality (in the Roman Empire and elsewhere), thereby undermining archaeology as a force for social change. Such critiques are, by now, familiar (Hodder 2014; Rekret 2016; Boysen 2018; Van Dyke in press). Yet the coronavirus crisis helps us to see that theoretical acrobatics may not be required to hold causation apart from culpability. It also teaches us that non-humans can, in fact, make injustice acutely manifest. In other words, the authors present us with two compelling dilemmas-but are they truly dilemmas? Before turning to this question, a historiographic observation is required. It is difficult to accept that the failure to confront dispossession, subjection, inequality and the predations of Roman conquest has much to do with the 'new materialism'. After all, Roman archaeology's 'postcolonial turn' of the 1990s emerged from similar critiques, and likewise foregrounded the infringements of imperial sovereignty, back when things were still fully passive and representational. Let us return to the coronavirus. Laidlaw (2010) and Krause (2011) can help us through the problem of responsibility. Both authors allow for a dimension of agency as distributed in the causal sense (in line with actor-network theory). But their formulations of agency bear differently upon questions of blame. For Laidlaw, the relational quality of agency is key to