The motion of test particles in stationary axisymmetric gravitational fields is generally nonintegrable unless a nontrivial constant of motion, in addition to energy and angular momentum along the symmetry axis, exists. The Carter constant in Kerr-de Sitter spacetime is the only example known to date. Proposed astrophysical tests of the black-hole no-hair theorem have often involved integrable gravitational fields more general than the Kerr family, but the existence of such fields has been a matter of debate. To elucidate this problem, we treat its Newtonian analogue by systematically searching for nontrivial constants of motion polynomial in the momenta and obtain two theorems.First, solving a set of quadratic integrability conditions, we establish the existence and uniqueness of the family of stationary axisymmetric potentials admitting a quadratic constant. As in Kerr-de Sitter spacetime, the mass moments of this class satisfy a "no-hair" recursion relation M 2l+2 = a 2 M 2l , and the constant is Noetherrelated to a second-order Killing-Stäckel tensor. Second, solving a new set of quartic integrability conditions, we establish nonexistence of quartic constants. Remarkably, a subset of these conditions is satisfied when the mass moments obey a generalized "no-hair" recursion relation M 2l+4 = (a 2 + b 2 )M 2l+2 − a 2 b 2 M 2l . The full set of quartic integrability conditions, however, cannot be satisfied nontrivially by any stationary axisymmetric vacuum potential.