‘An intimate loneliness’: evaluating the impact of a child's death on parental self‐identity and marital relationships

Abstract

Marital relationships may degenerate following a son's or daughter's death. This paper explores ways in which problems of communication between grieving partners may be linked to the challenge which each is facing in reordering their parental self‐narrative. The role which‘talk’plays in constructing and maintaining self‐identity, and the contributions which professional and volunteer support might make in facilitating marital conversation are examined. A brief note is also made of current research upon which this paper is based, commenting on the appropriateness of the narrative technique for collecting emotionally sensitive field‐data.

The Parent Should Go First: A Dance/Movement Therapy Exploration in Child Loss

“…The entire research process paralleled information found within the initial literature review, which indicated that the bereaved parents' grieving processes were individual journeys of redefining the self, as well as the family unit (Bernstein, Duncan, Gavin, Lindahl, & Ozonoff, 1989;Brabant, Forsyth, & McFarlain, 1994;Gudmundsdottir & Chesla, 2006;Martinson, Lee, & Kim, 2000;Rando, 1985;Reid, 2007;Riches & Dawson, 1996). The amount of support bereaved parents receive also affects their grieving processes.…”

Bereaved Parents' Experiences of Supportive and Unsupportive Communication

“…This is unfortunate as many bereaved parents may experience grief throughout their lifetime (Rosenblatt, 1996). As a result, this withdrawal of support leaves parents feeling ostracized and stigmatized by others (Dyregrov, 2003(Dyregrov, -2004Hastings, 2000;Riches & Dawson, 1996;Toller, 2008). In addition, the lack of support from others significantly interferes with parents' grief work and ability to cope (Brabant et al, 1995) as being able to openly talk about their deceased child legitimizes and supports a parent's grief experience (Becvar, 2001) and allows parents to create a new sense of self (Hastings, 2000).…”

“…Even though talking with others about their child's death can be healing for bereaved parents, family and friends often struggle to understand just how devastating and life-altering a child's death is (Riches & Dawson, 1996) and the support bereaved parents expected to receive from family and friends is often missing as these individuals withdraw from parents, avoid conversation or say hurtful comments (Dyregrov, 2003(Dyregrov, -2004. As Rosenblatt (2000) suggested, a deep divide exists between bereaved parents and the rest of the world as parents are engrossed in their grief.…”

Parental Grief and Memento Mori Photography: Narrative, Meaning, Culture, and Context

“…Acknowledging and seating identity change is an important reconstructive task in bereavement (Gillies & Neimeyer, 2006) especially for bereaved parents (Riches & Dawson, 1996). Accepting changes in identity can be considered part of meaning-making (Park, 2010).…”